need you now .,

[nathaniel ryder bishop]

The past was something that plagued young Ryder Bishop quite often anymore. Once upon a time, he'd been a carefree kid who lived day to day. He'd always been the type who was excited about the future, wondering what it would bring. When it brought him Juliet De Louvre, he'd thought it was a miracle. At first, she'd been a little uptight, but it hadn't been hard to unwind her. A few well-placed smiles and a flour fight in culinary class had brought the right element to their relationship. Anyone who knew Ryder, knew that he'd fallen fast for the beautiful blonde. There had just been something about her. Something special. Whatever it was, he hadn't been complaining. Just six months after everything started, the highlight of his day was waking up next to her sleeping figure. He would take the time to memorize her every curve, how her hair fell in so many different directions from moving in her sleep, and just how beautiful she really was. Life had never seemed as complete as it did in those moments. For the first time in his relatively short life, he'd been in love. Not the typical high school sweethearts sort of love. But the genuine heartbreaking, life-changing kind. At the mere age of seventeen, he'd known that he'd found the girl he was going to be spending the rest of his life with. It wasn't shocking when he proposed to her. Or at least, it shouldn't have been. Anyone with eyes could tell just how deeply he cared for her. To Ryder, it made perfect sense to marry her. They could start a life, form a family, and basically live the American dream. It was all he'd ever wanted. And for a moment, he'd thought he would get it.

Unfortunately, things didn't turn out the way he'd planned.

Two months after he proposed, Juliet was pregnant. The couple had decided to make the best of it and soon, Ryder was crawling out of his skin with anticipation. It may have been earlier than they'd planned, but they could make it work. They loved each other, and that was all that mattered. They could get through anything that life threw at them. However, Ryder wasn't expecting just what life would throw at them. The two of them decided to wait to be married and for nine months, the engaged couple made countless plans for the future. What they would do once the baby came, how they would be able to take care of it and still follow their dreams, just about every aspect of their future that could be mapped out. The day finally came for Juliet to deliver their baby and Ryder rushed her to the hospital. For a while, it seemed that everything was going smoothly. However, after a while, Ryder was ushered from the room with hurried explanations that Juliet was experiencing complications and that they need space to help her. The moments that he was stuck in the hallway felt like hours as his racing mind went through countless questions and feared scenarios. Finally, someone emerged with his brand new baby girl. Sadly, they also came bearing the news that his precious Juliet had died. He tried to protest, to tell them that she'd been fine when he left, but they simply told him that there was nothing they could do. The young man was left holding his daughter and feeling completely lost. How was it that he could gain such an important part of his life, only to lose another? It wasn't fair, though Ryder had no choice but to except it.

For three years, he tried to wrap his head around his fiancé's death. The young man knew for a fact that he wouldn't have been able to do it without the love and support of his family. Taking care of a baby was a big responsibility and Ryder hadn't been ready to do it on his own. Coupled with the heartbreaking grief that he felt by losing Juliet and it had been very close to impossible to move on. But he had moved on. Not completely, but enough to live his life. He wanted to make sure that his daughter had the best upbringing that he could offer. Which he wouldn't be giving her by moping in his room all day. So, he'd built up a stone wall around his emotions for Juliet and thought that he would never need them again. The day she appeared on his doorstep, he could have sworn that he'd been confronted by a ghost. There was no way in heaven that she could be standing before him, even more beautiful than his memory showed him. She hadn't been a ghost. Not in the least. Once he was over the shock, she explained to him what had happened. Despite himself, he felt anger and betrayal running like white fire through his veins. She'd used him, and when she'd gotten in too deep, her parents had pulled her out. Ryder found himself questioning if she'd ever truly loved him. So many 'what if's' and 'maybe's' flew through his head that he could barely make anything out. Settling on an emotion that would give him less pain, or so he thought, he tried his hardest to push her out of his life once again.

The young man had told her that he didn't need her anymore, that he'd moved on. But the fact of the matter was that all of those statements were nothing be fabrication. The stone wall he'd built came crumbling down so fast that he was surprised that he didn't go completely insane from it all. Then Annabelle had caught sight of her mother. Ryder had spent many a night showing little Annabelle pictures of Juliet, letting her know just who her mother was. There was no turning back now. Pretty soon, he was seeing Juliet almost every day. She was once more a part of his life, and he didn't know what to think of it. How many times had he imagined what it would be like to have her back? In not one of those scenarios had he thought it would be like this. He felt himself growing bitter and resentful towards her. He couldn't understand why she would lie to him for so long and why she'd let him make a fool of himself so many times. Most of all, though, he was afraid. Afraid to let her back in, afraid to love her the way he had, afraid to feel the pain he'd felt so strongly before. What was to stop her from leaving again? Besides, he'd moved on to someone else. Someone safe. Coincidentally, someone who had been his best friend for quite some time. He'd thought he could trust her to keep everything that he held dear from getting hurt. But as it turned out, he'd been wrong. A lapse in her attention span had almost caused Annabelle her life. Juliet didn't know it yet. but Ryder had kicked her to the curb after this event. He wouldn't have someone so careless with his child. Or with his heart.

It was merely days later that the ringing of his cell phone cut through the air and disturbing the boy's sleep. His parents had taken Annabelle to give him some much needed rest and the noise aggravated him, even in his sleep. A hand shot out from under the covers and grabbed the phone, pulling it up to his hear. He answered without looking at the caller i.d. and the voice on the other end, startled him. "Nate! Nate! I mean RYDER, since y'know, you don't like me anymore." The voice belonged to none other than Juliet De Louvre and something was not right at all. "Juliet? Why are you calling me at... two in the morning?" His voice cracked slightly with sleep as he spoke to her. "Ryder. I. Am. Drunk. And have I mentioned it's really, REALLY cold outside? Because its really cold outside." He sat up, his stomach sinking. "Why are you drunk? And why are you outside?" Whatever her answer was, it couldn't be good. Her voice was sad as she spoke again. "Because I love you, silly. Because I love you and you don't love me back." Her words hit him in the chest, making it slightly harder to breathe. But then she spoke again, the annoying perky sound coming back. "But then i went outside and it was REALLY cold." He let out a low sigh before he answered her. "You know that's not true." He bit his lip, hesitating before he went on. "Just go back inside, then, Juliet. You don't need to be getting sick. Not if you're going to be around the baby." He hoped she would simply return to her home so he wouldn't have to feel the strange sensation of worry that was currently spreading through him. Suddenly, he heard a thud then she spoke again. "Ahaha, whoops! I just fell... and i think I'm LOST... all the house around her look so... dirty." The worry increased two fold at her words. Had she managed to get herself stuck in Central Briggs at two am? He wouldn't be surprised.

Immediately, he sprang into action, pushing back the covers as he spoke. "God, Juliet. Where are you? I'll come get you." Her voice was exasperated in his ear. "I dont KNOW. I already told you I was lost." Oh, right. She had. He sighed impatiently. "Okay, then just try to find a street corner. And tell me which one it is." He waited rather impatiently as she stumbled around. "West... Wesl... Watson.. uhmmm...." Irritated and frightened, Ryder lost his temper for a second. "Concentrate, Juliet!" He all but yelled into the phone. Adorning the clothes he'd been wearing earlier, he moved to his shoes. "Waverly!" He felt a but of relief. He knew where Waverly was. "Waverly. Okay. Just stay there. I'll be there in a few minutes." He all but sprinted to his dresser, grabbing his keys and heading out of his room, down the stairs and out of the front door. "If you say so." She sounded tired and he could only pray that no one found her before he did. "I do say so. I'll be there in like five minutes." The line went dead as he jumped in his suv and he cursed under his breath. Quickly, he back out of the driveway and was speeding down the road, making for the very heart of Central Briggs. He could only imagine what kind of people roamed the streets this late at night in that part of town. Fear had him push his vehicle well past the speed limit. As he neared the street, his hazel eyes began searching the signs, making sure he went to the right one. As he found it, he threw the car in park, not caring that he was in the middle of the road. Dammit, where was she? Opening the door, he got out of the car, looking wildly through the night for her familiar face. "Juliet!" he called her name before catching sight of a tree across the street. Moving closer to it, he saw the figure of a young woman sitting beneath it. Without thinking, he ran towards her, falling to his knees beside her. "Juliet. Juliet, are you alright?" She was barely conscious and she felt icy to the touch. Shrugging out of his coat, he wrapped it around her shoulders. Then he gently pulled her up, carrying her back to his car.

Somehow, he managed to open the passenger's door and slide her into the seat. Quickly closing the door behind her, he ran around the car and jumped back into the driver's seat. In that moment he knew he had not choice but to take her back to his house to make sure she really was okay. She didn't look hurt, but there was no telling what she'd poisoned herself with. As he turned around and began to drive back, he called her name once more. "Juliet, speak to me, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" Ryder hadn't even realized what he'd said, too preoccupied with making sure she was fine. If she was seriously hurt, he would never forgive himself. She'd even told him that this was his fault. That his actions towards her had driven her to such a dangerous place. Biting his lip, Ryder moved his gaze to her as much as his driving would allow. She would be fine. She had to be fine. He wouldn't lose her again.

status , done!
tagged , samantha, bby! <3
words , too many
outfit , hey, sexy.
music , need you now - lady antebellum
notes , yay!!!

[juliet rose de louvre]

There were a lot of things that drove a person to a point of no return. For some, it was getting a bad grade on a test or being late for work one day. Those types of things that pushed you over the edge were typically things that meant you were a perfectionist. There were other things, like losing someone you loved or making so many mistakes that you were unable to get someone back, that pushed you that far. For Juliet de Louvre, that was it. The past three years had been the worst of her life, bar none. When she’d first had her beloved child, she’d gotten to hold her for about four minutes. They’d placed the beautiful creature in her arms, only to have it snatched away seconds later. Jules hadn’t known what was happening - at least, not until her father came waltzing into the room and told her that her life as she knew it was ending. Juliet hadn’t known what to do. She was too weak from the birth to fight them off as they picked her up and took her, knocking her out with some anesthetic. Her last thoughts had been that Nate would find her. Nate would come for her. Of course, it was only later on that she realized that would never become possible due to the fact that nate was under the impression that Juliet was dead. Not a day went by where she didn’t mourn the loss of her two loves, and the pain that Nate must be going through, having to raise a child on his own, and thinking that she was dead. Nate was far too good for her, and she realized that, but she knew that despite that, he loved her just as much as she loved him, and for once, she wished that he didn’t so it wouldn’t hurt so bad.

Three years. Three years of being along, of being forced into her family’s bidding. Three years of living off pictures that she could get from some contacts of Nate and Annabelle. She could see the sadness in his eyes, the weight he seemed to carry. She knew his parents helped him a lot, but she also knew that he would feel the loneliness crushing down on him, and she hated herself immensely for it. Truthfully, Juliet would give anything for him to not be so alone. God, she’d give anything to be back there with him. She’d give anything to not have missed her daughter’s first birthday, or her second, or her third. But finally, she’d been able to get out. Her parents had been doing bad in the business for a while, and family was falling apart - Juliet took the chance to leave without a word, and now her parents were at a loss for where she was. Good. Jules ran as fast as she can back to Briggs, with every intention of telling Nate every word of the truth and them being able to make up and get better again. Sadly, this was not the case in the least. His girlfriend was in the way, and her secret, the lies she had told him, weighed heavily on him. The only good thing was that she was able to see her daughter, even if that did mean seeing Nate with that awful girl of his, too. It was hell on her, because there was one thing that still remained true over all those years - that she loved Nate with her whole heart, and nothing less.

But still, things were never that easy even when Jules knew that he still loved her, too. That day had been particularily bumpy. She’d caught his skank girlfriend not watching Annabelle, and her daughter had almost drowned. She’d been getting into a fight when Nate had come to his girlfriend’s defense, and so she had just left. Sure, she shouldn’t have done it, but still. What could you ask her to do? He hadn’t known the whole story, and when he had he would have taken Jules’ side, she knew, but still. Juliet couldn’t stand to be there while he took that whore’s side. So she’d left, gone home to lick her wounds and cry a little. She could swear, she’d never cried more in her life before she’d come back to this place. She felt like she was making up for lost time or something. After she had finished with that, she simply curled up on her couch with some ice cream. After a while, she noticed her messenger blinking and looked at her computer. Chat with Nate? She clicked on the conversation, and it had only proved to confused her even more. She had been so close to getting him to admit his feelings but then… he just backed out and left again. She didn’t understand him, she didn’t understand this situation. And good god, she hated it. Biting her lips against the tears that threatened to overwhelm her weary heart again, she stood up and walked to her cabinets, grabbing a bottle of liquor.

She spent the rest of the afternoon and late into the evening drinking from that bottle, and a few others. By midnight, she was sufficiently drunk, and it was probably going to last for a while. Deciding it was good idea, she left her house in East Briggs to travel around the town. Of course, her drunken mind saw no problems with it! She’d be perfectly safe! She was, after all, totally not the type of person that any sort of kidnapper would take. She left people to raise their child, and lied to them shamelessly. At least, that’s what Nate thought. Swinging from melancholy to chipper within seconds was a hard thing to do, but someone had to do it. For some reason, she thought it a bright idea to pick up the phone and call him. Their conversation was short, and it didn’t fully register in Juliet’s mind. Something about her staying where she was, and he had told her it wasn’t true when she said that he didn’t love her anymore. She felt happiness flare through her, too strong to be considered normal, and then it dissipated as she grew annoyed. How annoying! There was no place for her to sit, and no doubt, the ground would be cold. She wondered if he would mind if she just sat across the street by that lovely tree… trees needed love, too! She walked across the street as quickly as she could, stumbling minimal, and collapsed down next to the tree, her breath leaving her in a rush. She looked around, and the lack of movement was causing her to get a little drowsy. Her head bobbed, and soon she was drifting into unconscious.

Vaguely, she remembered someone talking to her. She tried to pull herself out of her haze, because the voice was familiar, but she couldn’t quite to do it. She felt herself being moved and wanted to complain, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it. When he called her sweetheart, however, she knew who it was. She remembered the voice. ”Nate…” She whispered, a hand reaching out weakly to touch him, before she passed out completely. Her dreams were fitful, and she stayed in unconsciousness until late the next morning. When Juliet awoke, her head was pounding. She groaned, hands reaching up to clutch her head softly, as though it might burst. It was then she became conscious of the body she had unconsciously cuddled up to in her sleep. The position they were in put a stake right through her heart, causing a fresh wave of tears to come, pricking her eyelids, and starting down her cheeks. This position, with her tucked close in at his side with his arm around her, was one she always woke up from for nearly a year and half of their relationship. She pulled away slightly, her breath coming in gasps as she tried to fight off the tears and the pain from the awful headache, when the nausea hit. Clasping a hand to her mouth, she stumbled blindly to the bathroom, crouching in front of the toilet and retching into it. Body shaking, tears running down her face, and head feeling like it was about to split, she found herself completely miserable in her ex fiance’s bathroom. God, she hated this. And she hated herself even more for loving him so wholly.

status , done!
tagged , ashh <3
outfit , just picture no heeled boots.
music , need you now - lady antebellum
notes , sadsies.

[nathaniel ryder bishop]

It went without saying that having Juliet back in his life was hard. Ryder had hoped and prayed many times to be able to wake up from the nightmare that was his life from Juliet. He'd imagined her walking through the front door so many times that he'd lost count long ago. Losing her had been the most difficult experience of his life. Not only did he have a child to raise on his own, but he had loved her as much as any on person could love another. She probably hadn't even realized it, but she'd become his entire world. And to have her ripped from his life, it had left a hole inside of him so large that he knew it would never fully heal again. Even when he'd finally started to move on, and think that he could try again with someone new, she was plaguing him. Yes, she was back, yes she was standing right in front of him. However, she wasn't really there. Not the way she had once been. She may have come back into his life, but it didn't mean that he could be happy again. After learning her secret and realizing that their relationship had been based on a lie, he'd figured that Juliet really was dead. Or at least, the Juliet he'd been in love with. The one he had been willing to give his entire life to. No, she was long gone with the knowledge that the young woman who came back to him was actually a practiced con artist. It wasn't exactly a good thing to learn. So, he'd done the only logical thing he could think of. He'd pushed her away, hoping she was disappear like she'd done before and he could mourn the loss of his great love the way he was supposed to.

However, life never went the way one hoped it would. He soon found that he was breathing the same air as his ex fiancé almost every day. Unbeknownst to her, it was absolute torture. Seeing her beautiful face, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile. All of it reminded him of what had been, of a time when they'd been carefree and in love. A time when Ryder had been truly happy. All of those things used to make his day; he would look forward to her voice to be able to get through the day. Now every time he heard it, a nail was driven deeper and deeper into his heart, cracking it and leaving it to bleed all over the floor. The worst part was that he knew he could end the misery. All he had to do was pretend that everything was perfectly fine. He could forget the past three years and go back to the way things were before. However, be it his pride or his new girlfriend, he wasn't willing to do such a thing. Even now that he'd broken up with that girl, he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to forgive and forget. Could he really ignore the fact that she'd lied to him before and could very well be lying to him again? Perhaps she'd been went back to try and suck him dry of his entire family fortune once again. Even Ryder couldn't ignore the fact that that didn't make sense. She wouldn't have told him the truth if that was the case, would she? She could have easily come up with some other story that he would have whole-heartedly believed. Maybe she really did want to be with him again, to be a family.

In the past few days, he found himself questioning his rash decisions when it came to the beautiful blonde. As he drove through the night after receiving the call from Juliet, he began to think that he'd misjudged just how much his actions had affected her. Sure, he'd known that she hadn't been happy with the fact that he wasn't willing to welcome her back into his life with open arms. But he hadn't realized that she'd been so heavily hit by it. Maybe she cared for him a lot more than he realized. The fear that was pumping through his veins as he tried to push the worst case scenarios from his mind told him that he hadn't stopped caring for her in the least. No matter how many times he'd told himself that things weren't the same. His heart simply refused to listen. He did love her. Hell, he probably even needed her. But he was just so afraid to admit it to himself, to let her back in the way she'd so comfortably sat before. If he lost her a second time, he knew he wouldn't be able to survive it. Child or no child. Feeling that kind of heartbreak twice in his life would surely be enough to kill him. Even so, he wasn't sure if he could carry on like this for much longer. The arrangement he'd made for them was painful for the both of them. The young man had a feeling that he was going to crack soon. And this little adventure was not helping matters at all.

Finally, when he found her, the relieved rushed through him with an astonishing force. Ryder would never had forgiven himself if he'd found her beaten, raped, or much worse. After he'd gotten her into his car, he called to her, trying to get her to let him know that she was alright. He heard her softly call his name before she finally passed out. Cursing under his breath, Ryder drove as quickly as he could back to his home. Throwing the vehicle in park and quickly unbuckling his seat belt, he threw open the door and power walked to the other side, opening the door and gently grabbing Juliet before lifting her into his arms once again and slamming the door shut with his foot. Making his way up his front steps, he opened the front door, moving into his home and up the stairs as quickly as he could. Crossing the threshold to his room, he moved to the bed, laying her down softly on the mattress. Frowning down at her, he was suddenly at a loss for what to do. He'd never exactly taken care of a passed out drunk before. Especially not a passed out drunk that was Juliet. Carefully, he removed his jacket and hers from her shoulders, then her shoes. Shrugging out of his own shoes, he moved to the other side of the bed, hazel eyes never leaving her face. A strange sense of deja vu washed through him. It wasn't like this was the first time they'd been side by side in this bed in this room. Memories of a better time came flooding to him before he could stop them. A heavy sigh left his lips as he unconsciously moved his hand, brushing hair from her face. A wave of emotions began to crash through him as he did so. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe he should have just dropped her off at a hospital and trusted them to take care of her.

Ryder knew better than to think he would actually do such a thing. He needed to make sure she was taken care of properly. It didn't matter how much it hurt him to do so. For the next few hours, he sat silently watching her, wanting to catch anything that seemed out of the ordinary or if something went wrong. However, his eyes grew heavy and he could no longer keep himself awake. Collapsing beside her, he was unconscious before his head hit the pillow. He hadn't even realized that he'd moved closer to her in his sleep, taking a position that had become natural to him in the year and a half that they shared the same bed. He awoke when he felt the bed shake and movement under his arm. Opening his eyes, he sat up quickly. Juliet's figure was before him, rushing to the bathroom. He looked after her, a sad expression on his face. Getting up, he followed her to the bathroom and knelt down beside her. Gently, he pulled her hair back from her face, and moved a hand to her back, making comforting circles as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the porcelain thing before her. For a few moments, they stayed like that, until it seemed she was finally finished. She moved and collapsed into him softly. For a second, he froze, tempted to jump away from her. But, he knew he couldn't. Not when she was in this state. So, instead, he ignored the pain this action cause and he let her lean against him. Grabbing a bit of the toilet paper from the roll, he placed an arm around her to support her as he wiped her mouth gently. Discarding the tissue, he moved, picking her gently up off of the floor and taking her back to the room.

Ryder then laid Juliet back down on the bed before backing away slowly. "I'll be right back. Try not to move." Quickly, he descended the staircase and moved to his kitchen. Opening a cabinet, he found a bottle of pain medicine and grabbed it. In another cabinet, he grabbed a glass and filled it with water. With both of those in hand, he made his way back to his room, and moving to the side of the bed. Sitting on it gently, he offered the glass of water to her. When she took it, he popped open the bottle and dispensed a couple of the pills. Handing them to her, he set the bottle down on the night stand. He eyed her for a second before speaking. "You should eat. Do you want me to make you something?" His gaze was of concern, hiding the true storm that was raging inside of him. Never in his life had he thought he would be taking care of Juliet after such an event. Especially not after everything that happened. However, even though he was in pain by just being in this room with her, he would do what he had to to make her feel better. He owed her that much, at least.

status , done!
tagged , samantha, bby! <3
words , 1767
outfit , hey, sexy.
music , we cry - the script
notes , poor bbs. DX

[juliet rose de louvre]

In many ways, coming back to this place where her life had truly began - and truly ended - was masochistic. By seeing Nate's face again, she knew she was only going to put herself through pain. She was far from stupid - she knew that when she told him the real reason behind everything, he was bound to be angry. She had hoped, however, that maybe they'd be able to work things out a whole lot quicker than they were. Had that been too much to ask for? Jules was in between a rock and a hard place. She would leave if he truly wanted her to, but she wouldn't go without a fight. Not when her daughter was in the equation. It never failed to make her smile, whenever she thought of Annabelle running up to her the first day they'd laid eyes on each other, and calling her 'mommy'. The name had been like music to her ears, and she would never forget the sound of it. Every time after the first, when she heard the word 'mommy' come out of her daughter's mouth, her heart felt like it would burst and she felt as though she could simply float into the air from happiness. However, it wasn't that easy. There was still a weight that was tying her down, a guilt that was completely all consuming. Nate. Ryder. Nate. No matter how many times he told her now-a-days that it was Ryder, he would always be Nate. Her Nate.

The moments in life she had shared with him would always be her most precious. Flour fights in culinary class, struggling putting together a baby crib, waking up morning after countless morning snuggled together, so close it was almost as though their unconscious selves feared if the became too far apart, they would be seperated forever. Juliet wondered if it actually was forever, now. Three years was a long time to be absent, and that was proved when Nate told her that he was officially seeing someone. That had cut her deep, but what could she have expected? So, she laid low... until the stupid bitch had almost let their child drown. She couldn't possibly see how he could be with someone so stupid and callous and careless, especially with their child, but it was his choice. She didn't have a say in his personal life because it was no longer any of her business - he never hesitated to let her know that, no matter how much it hurt in the process. That was why she had started drinking that night. And that was also how, coincidentally, she had somehow ended up in that all too familiar bed the next morning. The entire night was a blur to her except the parts with his eyes - they had been everywhere in her dreams, and they would never leave her be. They had been an almost permanent fixture in her dreams at night ever since she had gotten home. But waking up, and actually seeing them for real... it was a completely different sensation entirely.

Feeling his arms around her as she hurled the contents of her stomach was supremely comforting. Even now, she still was heavily effected by it. When she was finally able to simply collapse into his arms, she felt it full force. The want she had in herself for him. She needed him, like she needed the air to breathe. She had to tell him. She had to, even if he didn't feel the same way. He picked her up and carried her to the bed, and she sank into the pillows. When he got her the medicine, she swallowed int dutifully. Juliet stared at the sheets for a long few moments, before saying softly, "No, I'm okay... but... Nate..." She licked her lips, fumbling with her fingers and trying to focus past the raging headache. "Just... let me get this out. I need to say it, even if you don't feel the... same way. I'll leave right after, I promise." She murmured, moving to stand. On wobbly legs, she rose before him, trying to stand her ground, her eyes burning with emotion. Juliet began to speak, "I know you still hate me. Last night was even more of a reason for you to. I know I've said it a thousand times, but I'm sorry. I'm so horribly sorry for hurting you this way. I almost wish we had never met so I could have saved you all this heartache... but... Just... remember something for me. Remember back when we were in high school? Remember when you promised to love me forever, no matter what? You loved who I was back then... and whether or not you want to believe it, I'm still that person. You made me that person. I need you, Nate. I need you so badly that it hurts. I can barely breathe most days, especially when I look at Belle and I see your eyes..." She broke off, looking down, "I'm sorry. This is the last thing you need right now. You have a girlfriend and I'm just selfishly trying to interfere. I'm sorry. I'll go." She stumbled to grab her shoes, clumsily slipping them on, refusing to look at him. She had just made a damned fool out of herself, and no one was likely to forget that soon.

status , done!
tagged , ashh <3
outfit , just picture no heeled boots.
music , need you now - lady antebellum
notes , lol at us. five months later.

[nathaniel ryder bishop]

Through his pain and anger, Ryder was ashamed to say that he'd rarely paid attention to the pain that his ex-fiancé might be feeling. He'd been so focused on his own misery and self pity that her feelings were pushed to the very back of his mind. This, in itself was disconcerting. There had been a time when he'd done the exact opposite. Juliet had been the only thing that mattered, and he would have gone to the ends of the Earth for her if she asked him. Before she'd 'died', Ryder had truly believed that they were like two pieces of a puzzle. They fit together so well, the young man had wondered how they'd managed to survive as long as they had without each other. Ever since he'd lost her, Ryder had never really had to think about Juliet's feelings. She'd been dead. Or, at least, this was what he'd been told. He'd always thought that, wherever she was, she was watching over him. Like his own personal guardian angel. He saw her in his dreams, and every time he looked at his beautiful daughter. Annabelle was almost the spitting image of her mother, save for the eyes that were remarkably like is own. Ryder had always wished that Belle could know her mother, which was part of the reason he'd not kept her from Juliet when she'd come back. Maybe, secretly, he'd wanted Juliet to be happy as well. It was true that he was still very much in love with her, no matter how much he claimed to hate her for what she'd done. So, seeing her so broken and torn apart, knowing that it was his fault, he couldn't push back the guilt that was gnawing at him. He'd caused that weary look of agony on her beautiful face and the misery he could see in her eyes. Despite what he might have thought at first, he was not proud. Not at all.

In fact, it was hurting him just as much as it was hurting her, maybe even more. All he'd ever wanted before was to see her smile or hear her laugh. Young Ryder wasn't sure he'd experienced a genuine smile or laugh from her since she'd returned. Something he knew was his fault. Well, he hadn't seen one aimed in his direction. He'd gotten glimpses of Juliet with Annabelle. He could never stand to witness the scene for too long. The old pain and need for his perfect life would surface to haunt him and tear him apart from the inside out. He knew that if he looked at it for too long, he would surrender. Surrender to his fantasies, to his pain, to Juliet. Fear was the only thing that kept him from doing such a thing. But maybe, just maybe, he could get rid of some of that fear. Perhaps his fear was blinding him to what was really going on. Tonight was the first time he really realized that Juliet was suffering just as much as he was. As she looked at him with such pain in her eyes, he hated himself, absolutely hated himself for putting it there. She started to speak, lifting herself unsteadily from the bed. He stood with her, hands outstretched slightly and at the ready if she should stumble. The look in her eyes made it impossible to move his gaze anywhere else. He had no idea what the look on his own face was. Perhaps a mixture of sadness and pleading. Whatever it was, he hoped it didn't deter her from what she was about to say.

His heart broke yet again almost from the moment the first word fell from her lips. He wanted to stop her, to let her know that he didn't hate her. He'd never truly hated her. However, he'd forgotten how to speak and was forced to let her finish. She finally did finish and he could do nothing but stare at her. She moved to leave and something in the back of his mind was telling him to get his act together. That he didn't want her to leave and that he needed to do something, anything to make her stay. Suddenly, he let out a low breath, turning towards her once again. "I don't." He managed. "I don't have a girlfriend. I... wouldn't want to be with someone who would be so careless with my child... our child." He took a deep breath, knowing that he'd finally given in. She had won. He was crawling back to her the way he'd always known he would. "Jules. I don't hate you. I love you. I've always loved you. I do remember what I said. I said it because it was true." He moved forward, grabbing her arms gently and looking straight into her eyes. "I don't want you to leave. I want... I want what we had before. I know you didn't want to leave. I know you didn't want to hurt me or Annabelle. I'm tired of not waking up with you next to me. I felt what it was like without you for three years. I can't do that anymore. I need you, too. Please. Don't leave."

status , done!
tagged , samantha, bby! <3
outfit , hey, sexy.
music , stay - miley cyrus
notes , lol, we're awesome.