don't you leave me ,*

[gabriel levi de luca]

Tired. He was so, unbearably tired. He couldn’t imagine the thought of hanging another responsibility around his aching shoulders, and still he had to stand. Everything had become so heavy, and he wasn’t sure if that was just him, or if it was the gravity pulling him down; either way, nothing felt right. His head was heavy, heavier than lead and always on fire with a million different thoughts; the weight of all his dying dreams lay like ash, and it made him feel as though he was simply wasting. Every single breath he took was like poison, causing his lungs to clench in fear and his heart to shudder painfully against his ribcage, as if it wanted to leap out and run away. The idea of escape was foreign to him; what kind of a bird thought about flying when its wings had long been torn out feather by feather? It was simply an illogical option for him. He woke up in the mid-afternoon, the sensation familiar; it was as though he was stumbling again on his life, tripping over everything he had yet to endure. Through his bleary eyes, the world looked very strange, but it couldn’t be any stranger than the things he had seen. Eighteen years, and he’d already seen enough for several lifetimes.

His ribcage felt bruised, and he knew it was. His skin was fine on the outside, but inwardly he could feel it all collapsing. The façade that he had hid behind was crumbling, despite his best efforts. Gabriel glanced at the clock on the wall, not surprised in the least to see that it read 2 p.m. It only made sense that he slept all day, if he was out all night. The memories of the previous evening and early morning rushed back into his head and he choked, his eyes fluttering shut as he did his best to repress it all. No matter how he tried, the things that he did always stayed with him, clinging to his skin and making him shiver. His head fell into his trembling hands and he stayed like this, willing everything to just disappear and fighting the feeling of despair that threatened to overwhelm him because it wouldn’t. The streams of light filtering through his window that touched him felt surreal; how could there be shreds of hope when he was caught in the same cruel cycle?

The only thing he could do was remain as emotionless as possible, in an attempt to block out some of the suffering. If he acted like it didn’t hurt him, maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much. It was flawed logic, but what else was he supposed to cling to? Gabe could taste something coppery in his mouth when he finally made the effort to raise his head, and he turned to see his little sister Isabella standing in the doorway to his room, her head titled to one side and her mouth open in a curious ‘o’. “Gabby,” she declared, pronouncing his name as clearly as she could for all of her 2 years of age, and he smiled weakly at her. “Is, do you want to go play?” he asked, his voice hoarse as he finally got out of bed. He could never say no to her, and he was all that she had now. He had to be there for her. She giggled her acceptance and he bent down to pick her up, smoothing the wrinkles in her little pink dress as he did so and making sure there weren’t too many tangles in her brown ringlets.

He took her back to her room, and he sat down heavily on the carpet of the floor as she grabbed her various dolls and other toys. They were half-beaten to death, and Gabe felt a twinge of guilt as he watched her arrange them. He had been meaning to buy her some new ones, but he’d gotten so caught up in paying the bills that he just couldn’t find the time, or the extra money. They played for a little while, the young man doing his best to entertain her, and he savored these moments of peace and laughter while he could. This was the reason he did it all, he reminded himself. He was going out again tonight because of her, and not a single person else. He stifled a yawn and regretfully told her that she should take a nap until the Fords came and picked her up for the night, and then he went to the bathroom to shower. It was nearing six o’clock then, and in an hour more there would be customers. It was a Saturday night, and that was when the business was the busiest. His mouth tightened as he finished the rest of his preparations, making sure his hair was dried and forming its usual curls, and then heading back to his room to put on his clothes.

The outfit was simple, but mindfully arranged. Every little detail he paid attention to could end up paying off, so he left nothing unattended to. Gabe averted his eyes from the various track marks lining his arm as he pulled his leather jacket on over the plain gray v-neck shirt; those were another reason Isabella didn’t have her toys yet. In another few hours he would need to get a hit of heroin, or he would suffer the effects of withdrawal all night. No one wanted to pay for a strung out druggie. His brows furrowed as he struggled to take breaths to steady himself. After he was finished dressing, he peeked into Isa’s room to see if she was sleeping, and thankfully enough she was, looking angelic with her head resting against her pillow. “I love you,” he sighed, and closed the door behind him before exiting the apartment. Ever since his parents had died, they’d had to make do in this run-down building, a far cry from the nice home they used to own. It was all he could afford, since the money he made fluctuated from night to night, but he couldn’t complain. They had a roof over their head, and most of the time they had something to eat. With help from the Ford family, the parents of a previous classmate of him, Avery, Isabella was taken care of and he was free to do his job.

Job. The fragments of Gabriel’s heart sunk down into his stomach and bled at the thought. He could hardly call it a job, but it was his source of income. He got into his beat-up Mustang and drove off to the main street, the city already dimming around him. He felt the night fall heavy on his shoulders, his fingers tightening on the wheel as he fought to keep his composure. Every night he waged the same war, every night he felt the bitter scorching of his chest, and still he came. It was the easiest thing, it was the best thing, he told himself. He was going to be fine, he lied, and forced himself to swallow it like bitter medicine. When he arrived, he parked his car in its usual spot a few blocks down and got out, glancing around to see if he recognized anyone. There were two other boys who walked the section of the street that he liked to stay on, and as far as he was concerned they weren’t too much trouble. Gabriel was, by far, the favorite to the regulars. Numbly, he walked over to his self-appointed post and waited, his hands shoved into the pockets of his coat against the slight chill of the evening. A few other prostitutes walked by him and he nodded, recognizing them; he might have taken a few hits with them, or tried to drink his woes away with those sad girls. As sad as they were, they were in no way as heartbroken as he was.

A half-hour passed, slowly dragging by, and then the first car stopped in front of him. Gabe felt his jaw clench, but he quickly wiped the agonized expression from his face and steeled himself to perform. The personality and charm were almost half of it; it was what reeled in the customers. Between that and his mysterious, boyish good looks, he was almost always successful. The window rolled down and Gabe leaned into it, his head partially in and a small smile turning up the corners of his pink lips. The customer was a middle-aged man, one that he’d seen around a few times; the ones like this were married, had kids, and successful careers, but they always wanted more, so they came here to get it. The young man’s stomach turned, but he focused his chocolate eyes on the man’s and attempted to look enticing. The man studied him for a moment and nodded for him to get in, so Gabe opened the door and joined him, fire shooting through his veins. He was already disgusted at himself for what he was going to do, but he knew he had to do it. There was no turning back at this point; he couldn’t coax his numb fingers to reach for the door handle. “How much?” the man asked, and Gabe swallowed hard before replying, “One-fifty.” It was a high price to run, but he wasn’t the stereotypical one of them anyway. He was a clean-cut, good-looking young man who had learned the tricks of the trade well, so he could get away with charging so high of a base rate. The man considered it for a while in silence, and the nodded again and drove off to some remote back-alley.

It lasted for about forty-five minutes, because the man wanted his money’s worth, and Gabe could only oblige. It was all he could to keep himself from collapsing in shivers, but he finished dutifully. His skin was crawling when they pulled back up to the corner, and Gabe reached for the door to exit, but the man grabbed him by his free wrist and murmured an extra request. The teen froze, mouth poised to refuse, but he was being offered an extra fifty. There was no way he was going to turn down that much more money, so he sighed heavily and accepted. Another fifteen minutes later, and Gabe exited the car, rearranging his clothes as he glanced around to see if anyone was watching. He then wiped the corner of his mouth gently, his eyes filled with unimaginable amounts of self-loathing for what he’d just done. An hour of his life was now gone, and it was an hour more that he’d spent killing his spirit. He pocketed the two-hundred dollars, deciding that it wasn’t so bad for the start of the evening. If he could work until he hit at least eight-hundred, he’d exceed his expectations and at least be satisfied. Gabe didn’t have long to gather his thoughts before the next car rolled in, and it was a bright red Mercedez-Benz coup that he recognized very well. The woman inside of it was an attractive middle-aged woman named Cheryl, and she often doted on him and gave him extra cash and little gifts because he was her favorite. To be fair, she wasn’t half-bad, but it didn’t make the work any easier. Without hesitation, because he knew she was there for him, Gabe leaned against the window in a similar to fashion as he’d done before, a glimpse of his crooked grin appearing when his eyes met hers. “Hi sweetie,” she said, her voice strained. “I’ll give you a couple hundred for an hour, I’m stressed. You don’t mind, do you?”

He shook his head no. He never minded. And even if he did, he acted like he didn’t. Gabriel simply got into her car and she sped off to another place he didn’t recognized, and then they skipped the small talk and simply went to it. Gabe’s movements were mechanical, feigned passion, and he did his best to shut his emotions out and ignore the sounds that were coming from her. He didn’t want this. He’d never wanted this for himself, nor did he particularly think that he deserved it. Life had kicked him around one time too many, so he just accepted the hand he was dealt. When the hour finally passed, she drove him back to where they were at the beginning and pressed a few bills into his hand, kissing him on the cheek and thanking him. “No, thank you,” he murmured, averting his gaze and climbing out of the car as she attempted to put her shirt back on. Gabe waited until she drove away to put his shirt back on, his jacket hanging loosely from the crook of his arm. He didn’t want to block the cold out, instead wishing fervently that the wind would whisk away the dirty feeling he had. With his total of four-hundred, he was right on track for his goal for the evening, but could he force himself to get into more cars like that? To touch strangers that intimately? The answer, of course, had to be yes. There was no other choice for him. When he felt as though he’d balk and walk back to his car, he closed his eyes and thought of little Isabella, who was counting on him. His resolve strengthened, and he turned to look out for more customers, and that was when his eyes landed on another familiar car.

His heart shuddered to a definite halt, and his breath caught in his throat. In that car, watching him with a horrified expression was none other than Avery Ford. What was she doing in this part of town? The answer to his question lay just behind her; there were piles of clothes that she had probably meant to deliver, since she was such a charitable girl. Gabriel’s eyes studiously fell to the ground and he pretended that he didn’t recognize her, until she rolled up in front of him and lowered the window on the passenger’s side. He looked at her, infinite sadness in his eyes and shook his head slowly. Please, he begged silently. He just wanted her to leave, and to never mention this again. Maybe she hadn’t even seen anything… Gabe met her eyes again, and he knew that she had, that she’d seen everything with Cheryl and possibly even noticed him coming out of the car with the gentleman from before. Never had he felt so repulsive, so sickening, in his entire life. Leave, he tried to tell her with his gaze alone. Despite how much he wanted to keep his spine straight, he felt his shoulders eventually slump, and he looked down, wishing she wasn’t here to see any of this, to see him bend and break again and again.






TAGGED:

[/color] avery hope ford. WORDS:[/color] two thousand, four-hundred and eighty-three. STATUS:[/color] done. NOTES:[/color] brb dying of the sadness. OUTFIT:[/color] i'll just hide it. CREDITS:[/color] coding and all graphics to me, lyrics to marianas trench <3[/center][/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[avery hope ford]

There were a lot of things wrong in the world, and Avery Ford would be one of the first people to tell you so. There were a lot of things wrong, and a lot of things that she just wanted to help fix. It broke her heart every day to see people walking along the street looking sad, or to see stories on the news about people who lost their homes in natural disasters, or were starving or in horrible situations, alone. Alone, with all these cameras pointed at them to show people their suffering. For people like Avery, it spoke to something inside them. For her in particular, it made her want to reach out to the people she could help, the people in her own town, and make a difference in their lives. The Ford name was known all around their town, her family known for being generous, helpful and accepting. They were known to take in those without a home for weeks on end, and there seemed to be no end to their kindness. They may have sounded like goody goodies or people who were holier than thou, but really, they just wanted to help people, and from where Avery was coming from, there was absolutely nothing wrong about that. All of her friends, she was the first to tell them that she would always be there for them if they ever needed a thing, and unlike most people who told their friends that, Avery meant it. She meant it, and would follow through with it without hesitation. Avery followed after her parent’s foot steps with ease, and they could not be prouder of their little girl as she blossomed into such a charitable, loving young woman.

That Saturday was a full day. She was spending time with some friends who had stopped in town for the day, and then she was due to go down to one of the worse parts of town and visit some friend’s of her family. It was the exact kind of day she thrived off of. Spending the early part of the after noon with her friends, laughing and giggling, she was truly happy. Her life was a good one, and she had no complaints, save for the fact that she wished she could do more. She always wanted to do more, reach out to more people, but there was only so much that one girl could do, wasn’t there? When she said goodbye to her friends, and went off to her car, packed in the back with loads of clothes for some of the families in the bad part of downtown, she couldn’t help but feel anticipation. The best part was always seeing their smiles, or hearing their heartfelt thanks as Avery just happily made their lives a little bit easier. She pulled up to the first house, a smile turning her rosy lips upwards as she tugged the bags to the front door, knocking. A little boy around the age of seven answered the door, speaking quickly to his parents excitedly. ”Auntie Avery is here, Auntie Avery is here! She has presents!” He exclaimed to his parents, and Avery couldn’t help but blink her eyes against the tears that were suddenly there. This was what made it all worth it, she thought as little Tommy’s parents took the clothes, shedding tears of the articles of cloth that they couldn’t afford to buy, not and put food on the table at the same time. The visit was touching and long – Tommy insisted on Avery staying for dinner, and after that time just got away from the girl. It wasn’t that she minded, either. She loved these people like they were her own family – she would do anything for them, anything to make them happy.

It was late, too late, when Avery finally excused herself from their table, saying she should probably get home. She’d have to make the rest of the visits tomorrow, and felt bad for not stopping by that night. However, what could you do? Avery kissed Tommy on the cheek and sad goodbye to his parents, walking out to her car with a smile on her face. She tossed the plastic bags that previously held clothes in the back seat, then her purse, before closing the door and opening the driver’s side door. Avery glanced around the street as she put a foot in, before freezing completely, her breath catching in her throat. She knew that curly head of hair, climbing shirtless out of that woman’s car. Her dark eyes assessed the situation quickly, and instantly she felt her heart beginning to break. Gabriel de Luca was quite possibly the most… gentle spirit she’d ever known. She adored the boy with all her heart, and as things finally slid into place for her as he pocketed the money that woman gave him… it broke her heart completely. It horrified her, to see him doing this, and it was written all over her face as he slid on his shirt and turned, seeing her. He quickly looked at the ground and something caught in Avery’s throat. She slid into her car, staring at her hands on the steering wheel for a split second, trying to gather herself, and turning on the car, and putting into drive and moving slowly forward. She pulled up next to him, stopping, rolling down the passenger side window. The sad look in his eyes broke her heart further, and she bit her lip, gesturing for him to get into the car. When he did, all of a sudden, Avery didn’t know what to say.

She wanted to tell him everything would be okay, she wanted to comfort him, but suddenly her throat went dry and words wouldn’t come. Avery knew Gabe – she knew that this wasn’t something he would have chosen if he’d had a choice, and that was what killed her. Forced into something that was the very worst because of circumstances he couldn’t control. After a long silence, she finally looked over to him, ”Let me take you home with me.” She implored, quietly. There was a second of silence as he glanced out the window, and his next words shook and shattered her core. There are customers. He told her quietly, ashamed. The despair she felt at his pain twisted within her, and she fell silent for a few moments, before asking once more, ”Please. Please come home with me, Gabe.” Her voice was tremulous, soft. After another moment of silence, he nodded his head, and Avery put the car into drive once more, heading towards her home. The silence between them was deafening, and Avery was disgusted herself with not know what to say. He looked so heartbrokenly sad, so ashamed – she wanted to help but she didn’t know how. All she could do was hope and pray that this wasn’t something he’d have been doing for long. Hope that things weren’t worse than this, for his sake.


status: done.
clothes: here.
notes: aldskfjasdf.
muzak: lover dearest, marianas trench

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[gabriel levi de luca]

He had always been under the impression that as long as no one else knew what he was doing at night, it wouldn’t matter as much. It wouldn’t be as real. If he was the only one suffering, then maybe, eventually it would hurt less. Sometimes the pain settled into the cavity of his chest like a constant, dull ache, which he could bear. But most of the time he got out of his car to stand outside against a brick wall, waiting for someone to pick him up, he felt the pain tear his ribcage into pieces all over again. So, he had to remind himself to breathe. Inhale, exhale. One, two. Bruised, bruised. Maybe Gabriel didn’t realize the affect this job was having on him now, but it was steadily wearing him down. With each night he spent on top of someone, or even below someone, he began to value himself less and less. Who could ever love him after all he’d done? He wasn’t fit for anyone’s affections, and sometimes he even felt guilty letting little Isabella wrap her arms around his knees and hold him close. It was ironic that he meant everything to her, when he felt like he was worth nothing. If there was any plausible way for him to go back in time and to change everything he’d ever done, he would do it in a heartbeat. Was it right for him to be ungrateful for everything he had now? He supposed not, but the process of getting it was killing him slowly.

The young man was changing, in more ways than just one. The brightness in his eyes, that ambition to touch the stars was dimming; his smile was there, but it was always slipping, and he hardly had any energy left in him. He used to have big dreams, dreams that he could tour the country and be a rockstar; those all died, fell to his feet forlornly when he traded his extra money for heroin instead of the guitar that he’d been meaning to buy. He was forgetting to how to lead a normal life, how to smile or enjoy the day; what was there for him to look forward to anymore? Isabella was the last thing he had, and she was the reason he forced himself to get off his knees in the morning and carry on with the day. He supposed that if he didn’t have her, he might have been dead by then – it was very possible he would have overdosed on heroin, or become so caught up that he couldn’t get out of it. Even with her presence, he wouldn’t dare to let himself dream, quietly or out loud. Dreams were for those who had the chance to grasp them, and that was certainly not true in his situation. Instead of thinking to the future, Gabriel kept his eyes on the present day. Living from one day to the next was not ideal, but it was all he could do. Nothing was constant in his life, and he had to settle for that.

It didn’t help that the people he spent time with pulled him further down. They called him things like “sugar” and “baby,” so often that he had begun to respond to it more than his own name. They fondled him against his consent, cajoled him into a quick round of sex in exchange for a hit of the heroin he so desperately wanted. All he ever heard around his ‘co-workers’ was that he was going to be stuck there, that this life was all he would ever know. Why fight it, they crooned? He was a natural. This was something he was good at. As long as he was young and beautiful and charming, they would always want him. They told him he was family. What kind of a sordid dream held pieces of a broken family like this? There were transsexuals, trans-genders, gays, and all manner of disease-ridden people. He didn’t want this for himself, he repeated in his mind, yet he brought himself to the same place every single night. He let the same men and women touch him, tell him he was worth something, use him like they always did. Every single time, Gabriel felt himself losing a battle that he’d never even had a chance at in the first place. He would stand there with the other ones, and they would convince him to wear less and less, to tighten his clothes, to ‘show off his wares.’ It made him feel like he was only worth the price he could fetch, and it was leaving emotional scars all over him.

Sitting in the car with Avery jolted him out of his reverie, and he slowly turned his head to look at her. He already knew what she was thinking. Dirty. Useless. Disgusting. How could she not feel that way? It was true. She’d seen him get out of that car, and take money for those nameless things he’d done. Avery was everything that was right in the world; kind, pure, selfless, and here she was sitting with another one of her charity cases, he was sure. He wouldn’t be offended if she ever thought of him like that, since that was precisely what he was; he was just as sad as those women leaning up against the wall, their wigs askew and their flesh spilling out of their scanty clothes. Gabe stumbled over his excuse, knowing that it was true – there were customers, and he hadn’t made enough yet. But she just looked so terribly forlorn that he couldn’t say no, she he nodded his acceptance and she drove off, away from the one place he’d come to know so well. The numbness overtook his body and spread everywhere, until he felt it could smother the steady beating of his pathetic excuse for a heart. The car ride was agonizing, and he stared holes into the dashboard and wished he could be anywhere but there. The gentle soul that he was, he never wanted to put Avery through something like this. That was revolting, and she should never have never seen it, seen him debasing himself like the common whore he was.

The only thing he could hear was the steady thrum of the engine, the feeble attempts of his heart to beat, and the last words from his previous encounters. HE wasn’t worth anything. That man had called him a little bitch, a slut, too many things that caused him to outwardly flinch as he remembered them. Maybe he would forget with time, but there was no guarantee. Gabriel didn’t even realize that they were at the Ford’s house until he heard Avery gently say his name, to which he started as if she was going to beat him. Before she could get out, he went to the other side of the car, put on his jacket to hide the tracks running up and down his arm, and then opened the door for her with a tired smile. Just because he was worthless didn’t mean he couldn’t open the door for her, show that he did have some semblance of normality left in him. They entered the house quietly, and he was greeted with warm smells and colors; from upstairs, he could hear Isabella giggling and playing with Avery’s mother. Wordlessly, Gabe followed the young woman to the parlor and sat down on the couch opposite from her seat, keeping his eyes downcast as if he were trained to do so. ”Can we talk?” she asked, and again, he nodded his head. It was as if he’d lost the will to speak, he was so shocked that she had found him and brought him here. That she would still want anything to do with him was confusing to him in and of itself.

”How long, Gabriel?” she whispered, and the question burned him like he’d never been burned. The young man refused to answer her for a few long moments, but he was too polite to just ignore Avery. “A year,” he choked, his eyes shutting hard and his hands clenching hard. Breathe, he reminded himself, as tears pricked behind the lids. The last thing he wanted was to appear weak in front of her, to make her hate him even more than she probably already did. She seemed dumbfounded by his response and he listened to her speak again, doing his best to process all the words she was saying. Another question followed, one that he asked himself almost every day. ”Why, Gabe? Why?” He could hear the pain in Avery’s voice, and he hated himself for causing it. There was nothing he could do right, or so it seemed. That question pierced straight through his chest, causing him to gasp quietly against the next onslaught of cold, fiery pain that wracked his body. Gabriel lifted his heavy head, tears clearly clouding his chocolate orbs, and rasped brokenly, “Because it’s all I know.” His frame began to tremble and he bit his lower lip, looking at her with all the sorrow his life had brought him, as if he’d seen every bad thing in the world and he had nothing left to show for it. Five simple words, and he was falling apart again.







TAGGED:

[/color] avery hope ford. WORDS:[/color] one thousand, five-hundred and forty-eight. STATUS:[/color] done. NOTES:[/color] thnx 4 all the tearz. OUTFIT:[/color] i'll just hide it. CREDITS:[/color] coding and all graphics to me, lyrics to marianas trench <3[/center][/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[avery hope ford]

There were a lot of things a person could do with their life, but mostly, Avery thought it broke down into two groups. There were people who did things for others and acted selfishly, and people who did things only for themselves and live their lives only for their own pleasure. According to the people around her, she fell into the firs category. She never liked to classify herself, but the more she let herself think about it, the more she realized that it was pretty true. Even though she could be selfish, she mostly only did things for other people regardless of the effect it would have on her. She was selfless in that way, but that didn’t mean she didn’t like to do things for herself every once in a while. There always had to be a system of give and take – you had to be balanced on both sides. It wasn’t good for people to be too much of one or the other, and there were things that Avery saw in Gabriel that made her feel like he was leaning to far onto her side. It was obvious, in the way her treated his sister, that she was everything to the boy, and that he would do anything for her. His actions proved selfless, with his sister’s best interests in mind. Now, she was fully seeing just how far he would go to make sure his sister was safe and sound.

Avery’s heart was totally broken for him. She couldn’t bring herself to say it enough, and it seemed that with each moment that passed, her heart broke for him a little bit more. What in the world had happened to this boy that he had walked into doing this for his night time job? There were so many thoughts swirling through her head as she drove them home. She wanted to say something, to ease the silence, but she couldn’t figure out what to say. When they finally reached her home, she exhaled, pausing in her seat for a moment. Gabriel was out of the car before she was, and she frowned, reaching over to open her door, afraid that he was going to take off or something, when she realized he was walking around to open her door. The simple gesture almost pushed Avery to tears, that somehow, in the face of everything that was happening, everything he just walked away from, he still had the courtesy to open her door for her. That tired smile he gave her further splintered her heart, and she walked inside, forcing herself to keep it together. There were somethings that needed to be talked about, as much as she knew she was going to hate the answers.

Avery led him into the parlor, closing the door behind her so they wouldn’t be disturbed, and walked over to one of the couches, sitting down in it slowly, hands in her lip, head dipped and eyes gazing at the floor. Finally, she raised her eyes to him and asked him, ”How long, Gabriel.” His answer broke her heart. A year. A year of this obscene torture, which surely wrung a person as gentle and caring as Gabriel inside out. She couldn’t speak for a long moment, biting her lip, trying to get past that new startling discovery and all it’s implications, when another thought hit her. How awful of a friend was she, to not have know before? To not help him when he needed it, to give him other options instead of this… this agony that he put himself through? Finally, she forced three more words roughly through her numbed lips, ”Why, Gabe, why?” She almost wished she hadn’t asked when he brokenly told her his answer, dark eyes gazing into her, burning with that undefinable sorrow that shook her to her core. She could see his eyes, wet with tears, the way his body began to tremble and she acted without thinking, on basic instinct. She moved herself forward, her hands touching his shoulders gently, before her arms wrapped around him, as she sat close to him on the couch, ”Oh, Gabe… I’m so sorry.” She whispered, holding him tightly, rocking him back and forth, her heart thoroughly broken for the boy on the couch next to her.



status: done.
clothes: here.
notes: sooooooo sad.
muzak: lover dearest, marianas trench

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[gabriel levi de luca]

It wasn’t that Gabriel hated to show weakness, it was that he hardly had the time to do so. No one in his life cared about him enough to sit and listen, and even if they did, he would feel guilty breaking down in front of them. He was a selfless young man, through and through, and approached everything very cautiously. Isabella was too young to even understand what he was enduring, and he would never place something that heavy upon her shoulders even if she were. This was his burden to bear, and his alone. It wouldn’t help if he tried to ease it on to someone else, because they wouldn’t allow him to continue living like that. They would demand that he changed his lifestyle, but how? When he said it, he meant it; the poor boy only knew this. It came easiest to him, so he continued the negative cycle that he’d gotten sucked into only a year ago. It seemed like a lifetime; he seemed too old for his young body, because he’d done things that no young person should ever have to. The weight of it was staggering, but he carried it as humbly as it could, until he felt as though it was infringing into his chest, threatening to crush his lungs and heart into fluttering dust. He never realized until this precise moment that maybe he needed a reprise from his heroic tragedy; maybe, instead of being the hero, he was the one that needed to be saved.

If Avery hadn’t chanced to find him, he would still be on that street corner, working into all hours of the morning and losing more and more pieces of himself. This was no way for a girl like her to find out about it. Her life was what Gabe dreamed of when he couldn’t fall asleep; he dreamt about a warm home with two loving parents, where he and Isa could play all they wanted and they’d never have to be scared about anything. He would wake up in the middle of the night, hysterically sobbing to himself and slinging his arms around his frame as if the pain would rip him in half. The life that Avery had was everything he wanted, but it was also absolutely unattainable for someone as lowly as him. If his father knew what he was doing, crawling into the profession that had split their family in the first place, he would be so ashamed. Gabriel felt that silent rebuke every single day, yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Who would pay the bills, if he didn’t? He liked to feel like he was independent, and in this way he was. In this scenario, it was a shame that Gabe was the strong, silent type, because that meant that he automatically kept all his sadness to himself. There was no release; he’d stopped singing the day after he committed to his ‘profession,’ and he couldn’t bring himself to try again. How could he force his fingers into music when his heart was shattered? Every step he took seemed like it was in the wrong direction, and he was now completely lost and insecure. And it was there, in his darkest hour, that Avery had rescued him from it all.

His shoulders fell forward and the tears began to run down his face, unheeded; he felt cold and numb everywhere, and nothing would make this fade. He knew the sensation all too well – this was what it felt to have his heart breaking, even if the pieces were already too small. Gabriel flinched at her touch, the flashes of other men and women before her causing him to recoil as if she too would take him, use him, and leave him. He remained steady by some miracle, his breath ragged, and then before he knew it Avery’s arms were securely around him, and Gabriel lost any semblance of composure. The last time he’d been held this way, he’d scraped his knee and both his father and mother took turns caressing him, telling him he was brave and that this was nothing. Telling him that they loved him. If only they could see their son now, in desperate need of arms to fall into and someone to tell him that no matter what, it was okay. He could get up off his knees and he was brave, and he could do anything. More than anything, he wanted to tell Avery to never let him go, but that would be asking for too much; the words died on his tongue, but he slumped into her; he’d forgotten what it felt like to be safe, and this was foreign and strange but my god did he miss it. There, feeling as if was sheltered from the cruelty of the world even just for a moment, Gabriel began to cry. The sobs wracked his entire frame, sapping him of any of his remaining energy, and he carried on this way for what seemed like an agonizingly long time.

Eventually he shook his head, no, as if telling Avery to stop caring about him. He wasn’t worth her time. “N-no,” he managed to edge between his tears, “no.” Gabe cradled his aching head in his hands, leaning against her for support because he couldn’t do it on his own anymore. “I’m sorry… I… I… n-no. I d-didn’t want this. I never wanted this.” His voice reduced to a hollow whisper as he tripped over the words, his sobs continuing to devastate his body, which now seemed so frail. “I’m sorry… I s-swear, I didn’t mean to. I swear.” Gabe’s voice broke over the last two words, and he’d never felt so tiny in his entire life as he did right then. Avery spoke and it soothed him, even though he could hear her crying as well, and he grasped the first small hope he’d dared to have in a longtime. Maybe he could start over. Maybe he could heal. “Thank you,” he finally said, after his breath ceased to shudder and he wiped away the hot trail that had formed down his cheeks. Gabe felt warmed when Avery’s touch was on his face, and she brushed the remaining tears from him and kept him close. It was then, after they’d lapsed into defeated silence, that she asked him another thing: she wanted him to stay over the night, no doubt to watch him. His first reaction was no, surely. “I couldn’t impose.” The sentence was softly said, the usual manner in which he spoke, but Avery was not having no for an answer. She pointed out that it was too far to walk, that his car was still where he left it, and that Isabella was probably fast asleep.

Of course, he acquiesced. He didn’t want to fight with the one girl who had just held him together, even if that storm had already passed. Without thinking, Gabe shifted to remove his jacket and waited for her to lead him up to the stairs, probably to the guest room where he could sleep. There was the uncomfortable sensation of being watched, and Gabe glanced up to see Isabella’s brows drawn together, he expression of extreme sorrow. He followed her line of sight and then realized that she had seen the various, bruising needle punctures up and down both of his arms – track marks, as they’d called him. He hadn’t gotten his heroin, and it had been a while, so there was no doubt he would suffer withdrawals. Gabe looked to the ground, as was customary, as if he’d been told to bow his head so many times that it was second nature to him, and murmured, “I’ll be having withdrawals tonight.” It was simple enough that Avery would understand – maybe it was better if he found his way back. No one wanted to take care of a drug-addict who couldn’t get their hit in time. It was not pretty. He had suffered through many a painful withdrawal, but at least he had been alone. He felt guilty, as he often did, for placing another responsibility on Avery. She’d already done so much for him. Gabriel waited for her reply and hesitantly watched her walk up the stairs, following her after he was sure that she still wanted him there. It felt as though the track marks were mocking him, burning holes into his arms and proving that he truly was pathetic. He choked on all his words, as he had been doing all evening, and when they reached the upper level his eyes remained on the floor dutifully, as if he were afraid of what she’d do if he tried to look her in the eyes again. Once he was thoroughly broken, it was only habit to remain that way; a damaged spirit did not heal overtime, and his was now reduced to tattered fragments of what it should have been.






TAGGED:

[/color] avery hope ford. WORDS:[/color] one thousand, four-hundred and ninety-seven. STATUS:[/color] done. NOTES:[/color] hai i'm kiki and this has emotionally damaged me. OUTFIT:[/color] i'll just hide it. CREDITS:[/color] coding and all graphics to me, lyrics to marianas trench <3[/center][/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[avery hope ford]

The evil in the world stunned her time and time again. Avery Ford was no stranger to the awful things the world had to offer – it would be foolish to say that she was, but by no means had she been exposed to the tragedy that Gabriel de Luca faced every night for the past year. God, it was crushing her to see his pain, so agonizing, and realizing that there was so little she could do to take it away. And she would, too, in an instant. If she could, she would take away an semblance of hurt, all of the scars that had been left on him this past year, and gladly bear it as her own – no one as good and selfless as Gabriel deserved this, not in the least. Her hands gently rubbed up and down his back as he finally slumped into her, heartbreaking sobs racking his suddenly small and vulnerable body. This was the final, staggering blow. Avery felt hot tears well up in her eyes, falling over as she held this utterly broken boy in her arms, tightly, not willing to let go and let him face the horrors of the world alone. Neither of them quite realized what had just been set into the future of their story – there would be no leaving for Avery, not anymore. She was there by his side to stay now, this moment finalizing it. She wouldn’t leave him, because he needed her. It was in the way he forlornly leaned into her, the way he couldn’t move away even as words brokenly came out of his mouth, as he shook his head no, as if telling her not to care. That was impossible now – the deepest part of her had been reached, and there was no turning back.

Her tears were hot on her own face as he brokenly told her he never wanted this, and she knew it to be the truth. Of course he didn’t – who would? Especially someone as special as Gabriel, someone who only wanted the best for his little sister, someone who would quite literally do anything for her, as this situation proved. She shook her head, murmuring out, ”I know, I know. Shhh… I know you didn’t, Gabe.” Her hands caressed his back gently, comforting, her body leaning into his as his leaned into hers, offering support and shelter. She would protect him with the last breath in her. ”Shhh… You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” She repeated, a hand in his soft curls as she continued to hold him close, her voice cracking as she spoke. Avery continued to hold and comfort him, and after a while his sobs softened, and his composure was coming back. His soft voice came to her, thanking her, and she shook her head, not wanting the thanks. It was natural she would do this with him, natural that she would want so badly to be there for him during his darkest hour. He reached to wipe his tears away, and Avery reached out, her hands soft and gentle against his face as she wiped away the rest of his tears. She gave him a very small smile, then silence fell between them and she held him close once more, her cheeks drying from her own tears. Finally, she opened her mouth to implore, ”Stay here tonight.” She wanted him close, where she could watch over him. However, he seemed to not like the idea of imposing – his soft tone said so, but Avery would not take no for an answer. ”It’s too late to find your way back home, and your car isn’t here. Besides, Bella is probably fast asleep by now and you don’t want to wake her.” She told him logically, feeling pleased when he finally gave in. She leaned back slightly as he moved to take off his jacket, still close enough that their legs were touching, and was about to ask him to go upstairs when she noticed something.

Small, brusing puncture holes were lined up and down his arms, and Avery felt a wave of extreme sorrow wash over her. She knew those marks – they were on the arms of little Tommy’s parents, ex-heroin addicts. Her dark eyes gazed at Gabriel’s face as he followed her previous gaze to his arms. His words were soft, and the implication behind them broke her heart further. Withdrawals – she had hear about them, and knew how bad they were, painful and agonizing. But she would not leave him alone when he had to go through such pain. ”Then we should get you comfortable then, huh? I’ll take care of you.” She promised in a low voice, a hand reaching out the gently brush his cheek gently, reassuringly. She stood then, nodding her head for him to follow. The house was dark now – her parents had gone to sleep, and all the lights were off. She slowly led him to the guest room, down the hall from her own room. She opened the door, walking over to the dim lamp and flicking on the light. She turned to the closet and opened it – this used to be his brother’s old room, and they still had some of his old clothes. He was roughly Gabriel’s size, so she figured a shirt and sweatpants of his would find. She gave them to Gabe, before saying, ”If you want to take a shower, it’s right through that door.” She pointed to the door behind him, continuing, ”If you need anything, I’m right down the hall. Please come if you need anything at all.” She told him, concern coloring her tone. She paused for a moment, not wanting to leave just yet. Slowly, she raised a hand to his chin, very gently tilting his head up to gaze into his eyes, ”You’re going to be okay.” She promised, repeating her mantra from earlier. He was with her now, she would take care of him. Her hand moved to cradle his cheek softly, and she gazed into his eyes for a moment more, before, turning and leaving him to get ready for bed.

Avery walked into her room, leaving her door open just a crack as she walked to her dresser, grabbing an over sized t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants of her own to slide into. After dressing, she moved to sit in the middle of her bed, cross-legged, mind dazedly going over all that had happened. All over again, her heart broke for the boy just down the hall. The pain he was in was unfair and Avery wanted to take it all away. She laid back, reaching out to turn off the light beside her bed, plunging the room into darkness. She ran a hand through her hair, before grabbing her pillow and curling into it, biting her lip. Her dark eyes surveyed the darkness, and she doubted there would be any chance of her falling asleep that night. She walked through all the different scenarios, her mind creating horrific stories of the things Gabe might have had to do without her bidding. She didn’t want to think of him being so awfully violated in such a way, but for some reason she couldn’t stop herself. To those dark and dismal thoughts, she finally began to doze, in a very light sleep that would surely be broken by more awful thoughts of everything that had happened to him.


status: done.
clothes: here.
notes: adsfkljasdf ;c. sorry it phails.
muzak: lover dearest, marianas trench

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[gabriel levi de luca]

He couldn’t bring himself to understand the depth of Avery’s kindness toward him. She’d always shown him warmth, even when they were in school together all the time. Whenever he came in, tired and barely awake, she would have a coffee for him and a pencil, and update him on what he’d missed the period before. Gabriel would never take her presence in his life for granted; in fact, he thought of her as something of his own guardian angel. Everything about her was perfect; the way she gently touched him to lift his eyes from the ground, or how tenderly her fingers caught in his curling hair… he would never get enough of it, yet he had to keep his distance. It was for her own good, because Gabe would never be so selfish as to let her find out about what he did for money. The last thing he wanted was to be the reason for her tears, or for the slightest hint of a frown on her pretty face. Gabriel couldn’t bring himself to admit it, but the thin fragments of his heart already knew – he loved her, and it scared him more than anything. He’d never given so much of himself to anyone, because all he knew was the physical. No one had ever wanted him, except for their own physical pleasure. Did Gabe get asked to tell a joke, or to go grab a coffee? No, he got asked to come into a back alley and ‘fuck for some heroin.’ Everything was so raw to him, so it was no wonder he always felt like he was bleeding. With each day, he was cut open again and again, and there was no one to heal him.

Gabriel appreciated her comfort more than anything, because her arms were the only two to hold him as if he mattered. At the same time, he wanted her to recoil from him and leave him there, alone as he was used to being. Couldn’t she see? He was dirty, a piece of filth that wasn’t good enough to even been in her presence. Avery Ford deserved the best of everything, and he certainly wasn’t that at all. No one brought broken china at the store; they picked the most beautiful and pristine sets that they could find. Avery should do the same for herself, but she was to selfless to see. Didn’t she know where his hands had been, where swollen lips had touched, whose hands had last trailed along his skin? He felt revolted just thinking about it; the same bitter coppery taste came to his mouth again, and he did his best to quietly adjust to the acidity. His eyes were now red-rimmed, his hair messy and the corners of his mouth tugging down ever so slightly into the tiniest of frowns. It felt as though he was so heavy, all the time. Gabriel took a deep, shaky breath, his chocolate orbs glancing at Avery as if he were afraid she would disappear if he didn’t check every few moments. When he wasn’t stealing peeks, he was careful to keep his eyes respectfully diverted. It was a terrible habit that he was almost scared to break, even though he had no reason; he remembered being seventeen a year ago, getting into fourth or fifth car in his career, and getting slapped for daring to look at a man in the eyes. ”You are a piece of shit, you hear me, bitch?” were the words that he remembered, and Gabriel had done the only thing he could think to do in the moment; he nodded his defeat and looked down, let the man have his way, and then spent the rest of the night with his fingers lingering over his bruised cheek. He had learned his lesson well, and he had never dared to repeat it again.

When she told him he would be okay, when she repeated it in her lovely voice, he was aching to believe her. Something told him that he could, but he discarded the instinct; whenever Gabe had tried to believe that his life would be better, he’d only been disappointed over and over again. It was almost surreal to be sitting there in her parlor, allowing her to hold him close and wipe his tears away, but he was glad that he had done it. This moment had just made him realize how much he needed her, even though that was the last thing he wanted. He thought that perhaps his warning about impending withdrawals would drive some distance between them, but it did not deter Avery in the least; instead, she told him that she would make him comfortable. Comfortable. What a strange notion. Gabe’s brow furrowed in confusion, his heart thumping unevenly against his ribcage as if it were impossible to believe. He was too weak to argue with her, so he simply remained silent and followed her up the stairs, waiting until she told him what to do, where to go, who to be. Sometimes he felt as though he’d killed so much of his spirit that he didn’t know who he was. All he was sure of was what he’d become, and that was something so terrible that he hated to think of it. The room they were standing in was spacious, and it reminded him of where he had grown up as a young teen. There was always space to grow, to live in that house, and now it was all gone. In a blink of an eye, everything he had thought would always be there had disappeared, leaving his fingers to clench over the thin air where his life had once been. Gabriel pulled himself out of his faded memories and watched as Avery pulled out a shirt and sweatpants for him to sleep in, and he took them from her hesitantly. He couldn’t think of anything he’d done to deserve such a kind gesture, but the kindness kept on coming. Gabe nodded to show that he had heard her, but before she left she lifted his chin her small hands so he could meet her gaze, because she wanted him to know that he could always come to her. “Thank you,” he sighed, the noise a dry rattle in his throat. He couldn’t make his lips turn up in a smile, but the warmth was in his chocolate eyes nonetheless.

A shower. That was precisely what he needed. He waited until she went to her room, and then he closed the door behind him and entered the bathroom. Gabriel turned the water up as hot as he could stand it, using a fresh bar of soap to scrub at every visible area on his body as if willing it all to be clean. He wanted all of his past transgressions washed away, off of his fingers and his neck, and out of his thick hair. After a few minutes of hard scrubbing, he noticed that his skin was beginning to turn red from the effort, and the tracks on his arm began to smart their protest. Despite all that he’d done, he still felt like a piece of trash that deserved to stand on the street. He still felt like the common whore, and he wondered if that was all he would ever be. Gabe’s arms fell slack and the soap clattered to the bottom of the tub, and he squeezed his eyes shut, more tears pouring from the corner of his eyes and burning paths down his cheeks. He simply let the water run over his frame and his right hand clenched into a hard fist; he slammed it into the wall once, twice, three times, as if that could change anything for him. Would he always feel this way? He was so tired of it, sickened by the memories that would seem to linger in his head and over every inch of his body. A few silent sobs shook his frame, and a few moments passed before he gained some semblance of composure and finally shut the water off. He scrubbed at his skin with the towel as if it were able to catch the traces of the evening, but to no avail; he could still feel hot breath on his neck, or the rough fingers painfully pulling at his curls. Utterly defeated, he changed into the clothes that had been given and went to lie in bed, pulling the covers over his body as his hair dried. There was an arid feeling in the back of his throat, and he knew that was a bad sign; whenever he was this parched, it meant a particularly difficult withdrawal was coming. Maybe if he shut his eyes and drifted off, he could avoid it for once. All he wanted was some rest, but even that simple thing eluded the young man. Gabriel managed to get his eyes shut, but he couldn’t expel the things that he saw behind his eyelids; after tossing fitfully for an hour, he finally fell into a light sleep and his body relaxed into the comfort he had found. Avery had promised him this, and here it was.

Fifteen minutes into his slumber, every single muscle in his body tightened unexpectedly and he jolted out of sleep, his heart rate impossibly accelerated. He wrapped his arms around his body to keep himself from physically falling apart, and that was when the tremors started. Gabriel’s jaw clenched as the first onslaught of pain came, causing his entire body to seize up. Everything began to burn, slowly but surely, and he knew that it was far from over. If someone ever asked him to describe what hell felt like, it would be this; this aching in his veins, this terrible paralysis. Gabriel felt the burning continue under his skin, but he also felt frigid; his teeth began to chatter, and a few tears leaked their way out of his eyes as he shut them. His breath began to come in labored gasps and he felt as though his lungs were being punctured by shards of ice, but there was nothing he could do to stop this. Heroin his body begged him, and it was almost like he could hear the word screaming in every part of his being. Whenever he lay in bed, helpless and feeling as though he was dying, he hated himself the most. Gabe dragged himself out of bed and staggered to the bathroom as quickly as he could, collapsing at the toilet and pulling it up roughly so he could vomit. He hadn’t eaten very much that day to begin with, but he purged the contents of his stomach and balked, curling into himself as frailly as he’d ever done. No matter what, he just couldn’t stop the shaking; He raised a clammy hand to his forehead and pushed his curls away, brushing away the light sheen of cold sweat that had appeared there. Gabe stood on unsteady legs and wiped his mouth at the sink, the sound magnified in his sensitive ears like the cascading of a waterfall. He groaned to himself before going back and sitting on the bed, his fingers weakly clutching the sheets and tremors still wracking him.

It was as if he were in a waking nightmare. His first reflex was to tear his skin off his body, he was in so much agony; his hands reached to dig into the top of his arms, leaving long red gouges as if he could rake away the sensation. The next urge was to leave, to run back to where he knew he could find some heroin – he was desperate for it at this point, willing to do anything – people had taken advantage of him when he was like this, but he didn’t give a damn anymore. Gabriel coughed into his hand and wasn’t surprised to taste blood, and that was when he knew what he had to do. It was more important than getting a hit, or enduring another five hours of this hell alone. He pushed himself to his feet and lurched down the hallway, her room the only spot of focus for him as he willed himself to keep moving. It seemed so far away, but he knew he had to make it. Gabe finally slammed into the door heavily, heaving for breath as if his body was submerged under freezing water; he grasped the doorknob with unsure fingers, turning it and entering her room. Avery had left a soft light on, which burned his pupils, which were now dilated; he couldn’t make it very far before falling to his knees again, this time by her bedside, his elbows resting against the edge of her bed. Gabriel was obviously in bad shape, but despite this he lifted his head to meet her gaze and reached blindly toward her hands, grasping them in his larger, cold ones. Before he knew it she was talking, and then Avery leaned down and gathered her in her warm, perfect arms again. Gabe shivered violently in her embrace, and as she pulled away reluctantly and held his face in her hands, he rasped, “Please, don’t let me go. Don’t.” If there was ever a picture of heartbreak at its best, then this was it.







TAGGED:

[/color] avery hope ford. WORDS:[/color] two thousand, two-hundred and twenty seven. STATUS:[/color] done. NOTES:[/color] my heart. it hurtz. D: OUTFIT:[/color] i'll just hide it. CREDITS:[/color] coding and all graphics to me, lyrics to marianas trench <3[/center][/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[avery hope ford]

Avery could remember what she considered to be the worst thing that had happened to her, personally. She remembered being fifteen years old, her brother eighteen, and them being home alone. Their parents had been out with a friend of the family, helping them move, and Avery had been scared because she kept hearing noises outside her window. She’d crept into her brother’s room and crawled on top of his bed, shaking him to wake him up. It was then everything happened so fast that now when she tried to recall it, it was all a blur. There had been the sound of glass shattering, and Luke had been pushing her off the bed, telling her to get under it. She’d crawled under there like he said, just as the perpetrators burst into the room. She clamped her hands over her mouth to keep from screaming as they began yelling at her brother, hitting him. She couldn’t remember what they said, she couldn’t remember anything besides the sickening thump as her brother was beaten to the ground. They had something with them that they had started hitting him with, maybe a bat or crow bar. They hurt him and hurt him for what seemed like forever, until he was bleeding and barely breathing. After that, they left him there, and went around to ransack their home, taking whatever transportable valuables they could find and stuffing them away before exiting quickly. Avery crawled out from under the bed, she remembered, to her brother, and this was where it blurred completely. The only thing she could fully recall was his blood on her hands. His blood on her hands, on her jeans, then later, when she looked in the mirror, a bloody hand print smeared on her face where she’d placed her hands to her mouth.

Frequently, she’d wake up with the chills from that image. It was those days she’d find it hard to face her brother without seeing his beaten, young face on the ground. He didn’t come away from the accident fully healed – from that point on, he’d been paralyzed from the waist down, back broken by the numerous blows from a blunt object. It had been hard to adjust, for both of them, but it had been worth it when they finally relaxed into their new method of life. To forget the scenario, Avery had thrown herself into her charitable works. It was then she discovered what she really loved to do – she loved to work with people who had lost someone important to them and were trying to cope, or with people who were victims of domestic abuse, break ins, and violence. While it was sad and often times very hard to work with those people, she did it gladly, happy to help anyone he needed it because she didn’t have help when she had. That was a major pusher in her need to help people, and she was glad it had happened in some ways, and in some ways, she wished she could go back so it was her instead. Her brother took the paralyzation gracefully, but she could see how sad he got sometimes, watching people participate in sports he no longer had the luxury of participating in himself. It broke her heart to see him like that on those days, but she did what he did – she persevered.

However, there were some things that just made her stop in her tracks because she wasn’t quite sure if she could handle them. These moments with Gabriel were some of those things. She’d seen her brother’s heart ache, and while that had been bad, it was nothing compared to this. The boy was laid raw, totally raw, and was bleeding with no way to heal, no when he had to go out onto the streets to sell himself away a little at a time every night. This kind of depravity was completely breaking her. Instead of images of herself or her brother in her nightmares for weeks, months to come, instead it would be this. That sad, agonized look in his eyes. The sounds of his sobs as he cried into her. God, the horrors this boy had gone through. It shocked her every time she thought about it, truthfully, terrified and laid her raw. He tugged on her heartstrings so hard the he had broken her heart. As she gave him her brother’s clothes, she watched his face carefully. It seemed as though in some way, he felt shocked by her kindness towards him. This confused her. Had no one really ever showed him a helping hand? Had no one really ever showed him what it was like to be treated in a gentle and kind manner? This broke her heart more than anything. Oh, what he was missing out on! Well, Avery thought as she smiled gently at his thank you, he wouldn’t be missing out on it for long, not if she had anything to say about it.

Avery’s mind, still running a mile a minute even in her light doze, snapped to when she heard a noise outside her door. She didn’t move, not knowing what it was, until she heard her door open. She looked towards the door,her body suddenly paralyzed as fear gripped her body and froze her muscles. But, she soon realized, that shapeless form soon materialized to become Gabe – a Gabe that looked shaken, agonized, and sick. The sudden change in his appearance frightened her, and her hands gripped his as she sat up. ”Gabriel… Gabe, sweetheart.” The term of endearment slipped out naturally as she wrapped her arms around him once more, sliding to the ground next to him so she could cradle him in her arms. ”Shhhh, shhh… you’re going to be okay. This will pass.” She murmured gently, holding him as he shivered so violently. Her heart could not take much more of seeing him like this. Not in such awful pain. She leaned back, taking his face gently in her hands and tilting it towards her, so their eyes met for a split second. His words met her eyes, and she felt tears slip down her cheeks once more. She shook her head, ”I won’t. I won’t let go, I promise you. I’ll never let go.” She told him, before leaning forward to brush her lips to the corner of his mouth gently. She leaned back, the most gentle expression on her face as he continued to shiver violently. He shook his head no, as if to tell her not to taint herself, but Avery knew. She would not be tainted or effected by whatever had happened to him in his past, because that was not her Gabriel. Her Gabriel was here and now, shivering violently and in agonizing pain in her arms, and her Gabriel needed the comfort she would so willingly provide. Slowly, she leaned forward to press her lips to his, fully, in a gentle, unhurried, and undemanding kiss. Her hands were soft on his face, and she let the kiss last for a few seconds, before pulling back and pulling him into her arms again, her breath coming out in a shuddering sigh as she gently began to rock him back and forth.



status: done.
clothes: here.
notes: omg this is the saddest
muzak: lover dearest, marianas trench

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[gabriel levi de luca]

It never occurred to Gabriel that he might be saved. Salvation was such a heady concept to him, something that was repeated in church, something so above a lowly person like him that he didn’t dare to think about it. He was too afraid of the implications of it; if someone saved him, they would be lifting him from the dark, downward spiral that his life had taken and setting him higher. Who had the time for that? And who would even bother? Gabe was just one of many terrible stories in the world, and maybe he was just worse for the wear. He wasn’t strong enough to hide behind a flawless façade like the others were. They were able to go to school, work, or back home, acting as if nothing had ever happened to them. Gabriel, however, was cracking; he was too much of a gentle young man in the first place, to pursue the lifestyle that he did. He was also honest about the situation; he knew that he was burning out, but he would have to keep going until he completely smoldered into ashes. There was nothing else available to him that would give him the same amount of income, and the only thing he’d wanted was to be independent. Isabella only needed him, so he felt obligated to provide for her on his own. It never occurred to him that things would become this bad, or that someone was willing to save him.

The sensation was so very strange to him. Avery was so willing to take away everything that had ever hurt him, even the things that were tangled painfully in his veins. She never hesitated to show how much she cared, and it was evident in how she carefully pronounced his name, or the way she touched his skin as if she were afraid it would shatter under too much pressure. Quite frankly, she was everything that he could ever need, and so much more; he couldn’t even wrap his mind around it, nor did he want to try. All he knew was that when she was around, everything was so much easier. It was as if she was all the sunshine left in the world, and she warmed him thoroughly. Gabriel had never wanted to become a tragic shadow of the person he could have – no, should have – been, but life had lead him down this broken path, and more importantly, into Avery’s outstretched arms. He didn’t want to lean on her so heavily, but she seemed to make the weight vanish into thin air. Just sitting with her, looking into her pretty, upturned face, made him want to be a better person. He doubted that would be possible, after all the things he’d done, but my god would he try, just for her. Gabriel almost felt guilty loving her the way he did, so purely and so deeply, but he couldn’t help it; the way he felt invaded all his senses, and he knew that it would linger far longer than he could imagine.

He placed all the blame on himself, for every bad thing that had happened to him. Never mind that his parents had died, or his mother had lead him to prostitution and had left the family for that sick “career” – it was still, somehow, his fault alone. He couldn’t help but think that if he had been stronger, or smarter, he would have never made such a mess of his life. If he had been just as good or brave as Avery, he would have found another way to make ends meet. Gabriel was such a sweet, humble young man, so obviously the first person he pointed the finger at was himself. He wasn’t one to complain or whine at God for things that happened to him, so he instead focused it back to the only person he could think that had immediate control; that person happened to be himself. By some miracle, when Avery looked at him she didn’t see a dirty, used, worthless boy; she put him in a different light, and he would never be able to understand it. To her, he was hurt but he was so good that he could be salvaged, and he wondered feebly if that could be true. Avery would never lie to him, but Gabe had become so mistrustful over the past year that it was second nature to question the motives of everyone around him. She only had his best interests in mind, he reminded himself. This was one girl who wouldn’t dream of hurting him in any way, and that was comforting. Still, there was a constant nagging in the back of his head. Leave, before she breaks you. Before she ruins you. He managed to push these thoughts away every time, with a wry smile; how could something break when it wasn’t even whole to start with?

Heroin was something that he was not proud of, and he’d never wanted Avery to know that the lethal, hard drug had become his vice. It was just something that had been available to him on the street; one of the women he worked with had seen him hanging his head one night, and she cornered him and kissed him so many times that he could hardly remember the number; just like every other time, he was too tired to protest. When she saw that Gabriel had not been affected, she whispered hotly in his ear ”Don’t be sad, baby. I have something that can make you feel better.” He couldn’t help but be curious; what was the magic, what was the secret that kept these women so happy and ready to be of service? Whatever it was, he thought he needed it too, if only to get through the long hours he worked. It was then that she had introduced him to heroin, and the first time he’d injected it into his system was one that he would never forget. True to its namesake, the drug made him feel like a hero, like he was invincible. Nothing could touch him, and the highs lasted typically 3-5 hours, enough to get him through a night of working. While he was high, he performed with no problem and even made more money than he was used to, and for a while he thought that it couldn’t harm him. If he only smoked it on the street, no more than twice a week, he wouldn’t get too hooked. At first his strategy had worked, but eventually the drug latched onto him; no matter what he did, he couldn’t shake his constant need for the substance. He began to suffer withdrawals regularly, and the only thing to make it stop was more heroin. The drug addiction made him feel even more lowly, as if he were scum; drugs were for low-lives, and he had made it clear he never wanted that. In high school, he didn’t so much as touch alcohol or do a single drug-related thing, and here he was ruining his entire future. Even if it wasn’t bright, it was still a future, and he was just throwing it away.

This withdrawal was particularly painful, and Gabriel found himself wishing that he were dead. He’d rather be buried, than endure this torture, yet there he was collapsed into a pathetic heap against Avery’s bed and praying for her salvation again. Even now she looked at him with sad eyes, as if she loved him too much to want to see him suffer like this. He was being bold, to think that she could ever love a sob-story like him, but from the floor it sure seemed like she did. He was acutely aware of the terribly loud noise his heart was making in his chest, but all he saw was Avery. She was all he’d ever been able to see, even through the pain-inflicted haze that he was seeing her through in that moment. She cradled him gently and assured him that he would be fine, and when she pulled away to take his face in her hands, he managed to meet her eyes. Gabriel’s expression was one of a man who was burning alive, conscious for every single moment that the fire consumed him, but still he kept his eyes to hers. The tears on her face bothered him, mostly because he knew they were shed on his account, and he couldn’t stand them; in an incredibly tender gesture, he reached up with his shaking, cold hand and wiped them away to the best of his ability. ”I’ll never let go,” she promised sincerely, and Gabriel found a part of himself that could believe it. Maybe he was hurting, but now he was a little safer. The light brush of her lips at the corner of his mouth startled him, and his eyes widened slightly. Slowly, once, twice, Gabriel shook his head. No. She couldn’t debase herself by caressing him, by kissing him in that manner. She should save herself for someone deserving of her affections, not the drug-reduced boy who’d brought her nothing but sadness. Again and again, tremors ran deeply through his body and caused him to gasp, his breath growing increasingly harsh and labored; the room began to spin slightly, and his stomach had tied itself into a hard knot. Still, nothing could prepare him for what he was going to feel when Avery moved closer, cradling his heavy head once more as she drew him near.

Her lips brushed his softly, but with enough pressure to feel it perfectly. Gabriel’s breath rushed from his inflamed lungs and his eyes fluttered shut, his lips completely parting for her in a gesture of awe. He was stunned, because while he had been kissed so many countless times before, it had never been anything like this. The way her skin brushed his meant something, the amount of passion that had been given to him… all of it was overwhelming. Gabriel felt as though he was drowning in the emotion, and he couldn’t stop the few tears that came. A simple kiss, and everything had changed. It was pure, and light, and everything that he should have ever felt but never had the chance to. He wished he could have properly articulated how grateful he was, how much love his torn heart was bleeding for her, but he couldn’t find the words. In this instance, they may have not been needed. He choked on his tears and his eyes opened slowly, just as she pulled him back in her arms to rock him back and forth. The motion soothed him, and he allowed his head to slump against her slender shoulder as the pain crashed through him in waves. He finally drew her to arms length and searched her brown eyes for a long time, before reaching one of his still-shaking hands and placing it at the base of her neck to move her even closer. There was a moment where his nose almost bumped hers, where their eyes were locked and the world had seemed to stop, and then he found the strength to bridge the gap and kiss her again. He kissed her with every ounce of love his broken spirit could muster, kissed her to let her know that he was grateful. The way his lips moved for her conveyed a vulnerability, a fear, and a love that he was unable to keep hidden anymore. It was as chaste a kiss as any, and it was unlike any kiss he’d ever given in his life. When it ended, Gabe was breathless once more, his eyes infinitely sad and his brows drawn together as if he still could not understand the magnitude of what they had just done.

None of that mattered, at least not immediately. Gabriel’s voice cracked over the words, but he asked slowly, ”Can I stay? I… I just can’t. I’m sorry…” After a moment of silence, he looked down to the ground and said in an even quieter tone, “It’s always worse when I’m alone.” Another bolt of pain lanced through him and he gasped, doubling over slightly and wrapping his arms around himself as if he could keep all the tragedy from spilling out of him. “Please,” he repeated, even though he already knew the answer; the kisses had just told him everything he’d ever needed to know. Gabe felt the customary twinge of regret that he had whenever he added another burden to Avery’s shoulder, but this was out of his control. He needed her like he’d never needed anything in his life, and he prayed that somehow she’d know and hold him tightly.







TAGGED:

[/color] avery hope ford. WORDS:[/color] two thousand, one-hundred and twenty-four. STATUS:[/color] done. NOTES:[/color] this is the most tragic thing i've ever written. </3 OUTFIT:[/color] i'll just hide it. CREDITS:[/color] coding and all graphics to me, lyrics to marianas trench <3[/center][/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[avery hope ford]

Avery was a girl with big ambitions and dreams that reached to the sky. There were so many things she wanted to do and see, so many things she wanted to change and so many things that she wanted to change her. There was just so much that she wasn’t sure if she’d have time for it all. There were points in her average, day-to-day where she felt as though she just needed to slow down. Where she felt as though it would just be best if she took a deep breath, and opened her eyes and allowed herself to stop and smell the roses. But then she’d think of all the people that she could be helping in the time that she was just sitting around, goofing off, and it would sober her. Avery was one of those special people that felt the weight of the world on her shoulders constantly. Sometimes it took her breath away, but sometimes it was easier to deal with than others. But most of the time she was left to wonder how people did it. How those who were older, who had lived through so much and gone through several ordeals, big and small, managed to still stop and breath. How they managed to forget the past and move forward into the present. It was a lesson that she could learn, surely, and Avery was always open to learning. The more she grew to know and the more knowledge she committed to memory, the better she could help people.

It was strange, she knew, to see a girl with aspirations like hers. To see someone who so purely just wanted to help people, without any profit for herself. It was hard, too, especially at first. She’d started her ventures as a charitable person when she was younger, always wanting to give food away to the homeless or give a couple dollars away at church. Her parents had always told her that instead of giving away some, she should give away all, because if she did, she would be blessed. As much as her seven year old mind could comprehend, she had gone home and sincerely thought about that for the longest time. All? Give away her all? If she did, she would help a lot of people, and even then, that was all little Avery ever wanted. The next week, when the family had gone to church, Avery had emptied out the contents of her piggy bank and placed them in the offering plate, a total of seventy three dollars and forty two cents. It was then everything had really started for her – she was always asking her parents if they could empty out their food cabinets to go take down to the Salvation Army, to which her parents lovingly replied, We need to eat, too, Avi.

This was one situation, however, that Avery would more than willingly give up all of herself. That was one thing she’d always kept under locks – she’d give away everything and anything she owned for the greater good, but she was another matter. She’d seen heartbreak, helped her friends when they experienced it, and this was the one patch of ocean she dared not tread. But when Gabriel de Luca had walked into her life, it had been unstoppable. It had been something about those sad chocolate eyes of his, the way his smiles came so sparingly but when they existed, absolutely blew her way. It had been in the way that merely weeks into their friendship, she ached to make him laugh and smile in a way she’d never experienced before. It was no secret to her anymore, her exact feelings for the boy. She had fallen in love with him a long time ago, and not for what he could offer her – but for exactly who he was, and nothing more. She knew he was broken, that was no secret to her, either. That was also in those dark and sad chocolate eyes and those smiles that were always so far and in between. And more than anything, she wanted to heal him. She wanted to give herself to him in any way she could, so that maybe she could help, even if it was just a little.

It didn’t help that Avery had an inkling that Gabriel loved her, too. What was this, this strange love they had between them? Neither of them mentioned or acted on it, and in some ways it almost felt forbidden, and Avery did not know why. They should be free to love whoever they wanted, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with loving Gabriel. Even now, after everything had been revealed to her, she still felt the exact same way. And more than that, she felt a protectiveness so fierce that it took her breath away – she would give her everything to protect the broken boy before her, especially now that she knew it all, and she hoped the her knew it. It was in the way that her shoulders hunched over him as she held him, the way her arms were like strong walls around him. He would be safe, she would see to it. He wouldn’t have to suffer alone anymore, or suffer at all if she had anything to say about it. The depth of the emotions running through her left her a feeling a little heady. Surely this wasn’t normal. Surely, no one could love someone as much as she loved Gabriel. For once, Avery was slowing down. For once, she was coming to a complete stop, all for this boy before her, whom she now felt sure she’d even give her life to protect. He awaked something within her that she never wanted buried, something she wanted to savor and experience to the fullest – she would ride that wave out for as long as she could, and hoped that she never crashed to shore.

Avery felt it stirring within her once more as she kneeled to the ground beside him, holding him and shielding him in her arms once more. His violent tremors made her spirit quiver and tremble, the stress of his agony weighing upon her. The tears slipped down her face before she could stop them, and she couldn’t help it. His pain was her pain – she felt it echoing within her, writhing and breaking her heart into pieces for him. It was only a shadow of his pain, but it was enough to take her breath away. Her arms tightened around him for a moment, before his hand slowly reached up to brush her tears away. Avery felt speechless. How was it possible that someone who was in so much pain could even fathom any pain she might be in? She was hardly important compared to his troubles, and it warmed her heart and soul that he still would take the time to care. The expression on his face was something that was serving to alter her completely – she didn’t think it was something she’d ever be able to come back from. A man on fire – the agony was black in his eyes, in the twist of his mouth as he fought against the pain that threatened to overwhelm him.

All at once, Avery felt helpless, but felt some semblance of hope an instant later – she may not be able to take his pain away, but she could help dull it with her presence. The look in his eyes told her all she needed to know, as she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his. The soft whispers of skin against skin echoed in her mind and heart, and she felt something sliding into its rightful place within her. Home, home. It whispered, and she knew that this was exactly where she was supposed to be. In that instant, nothing else mattered save for Gabriel and this moment. He returned to his safe spot in her arms for a long few moments, the pain causing his body to quiver like some leaf in a storm. His head fell against her shoulder, and she turned to press her lips softly to his crown of curls, the feeling of love in her heart so strong and overwhelming that it brought new tears to her face. Slowly, he lifted himself up, and back, to gaze into her face. She studied his eyes, every feature, committing it to memory while it seemed like he was doing the same. Then, finally, slowly, he leaned forward. Their noses barely brushed, then his lips were on hers once more and she was home. Avery could feel everything in that kiss – every word that hadn’t been said, and every word that would be passed between them in the future. This was what was certain –them. This was for sure, this was one thing that now, would never change. Avery kissed him back with all the emotion swirling around within her, the twist of feelings finally finding release in their soft kiss. His vulnerability and fear went into her, and she returned the emotions with peace and strength. Don’t fear, it seemed to say, You’re safe now – you wont be broken.

The kiss ended and they were left gazing at each other in a stunned sort of silence, before he asked in a quiet voice if he could stay. She was amazed that he even had to ask. Her eyes grew sad as he said that it was always worse when he was alone. It made her wonder just how many withdrawals he had been through, and if he had suffered through all of them alone. It broke her heart to think so, but she consoled herself with the fact he wasn’t alone now, and if she had any say in the matter, he never would be again. She was about to open her mouth to answer when another gasp and wave of pain crashed through him. Her arms went around him instantly, and she nodded her head, ”Of course you can.” She whispered, holding him for a long few moments before slowly standing, lifting him up as well the best she could, and depositing the both of them into her bed. She pulled the covers from underneath him, then repositioned them over them both, before leaning forward to wrap her arms around him as his body continued to shake. She laid her head gently in the crook of his neck, and after some time his arms went around her as well. She pressed herself close, aching to offer him comfort and knowing now that it wouldn’t be so bad if she held him tightly.

She wasn’t sure how long, exactly, it was until his tremors finally subsided and he slipped into an exhausted sleep. Avery leaned back, studying his face, amazed at the change. The anxious, sad lines on his face had smoothed out, leaving a boy who looked completely consumed by peace in its wake. She reached out, just as the first rays of down lit his face, lighting his features, making him look like some sort of angel. The sight took her breath away – he may be fallen at the moment, but she knew that he could get his wings back. Bad things happened to good people, but things had a way of righting themselves in the end. This wouldn’t be it for Gabriel – his dreams may have been dismal then, but who knew where he would be a few months from then? He was so strong, Aver y knew. He just need encouragement and arms to fall back into. As Avery’s fingers just barely skimmed that strong nose of his, then lightly traced over those plush pink lips and the tear stains down his face, she knew that happier days were ahead of him. Bad things happened to good people- but to those who waited, they only gained the best. And Gabriel, she knew deep in her heart, only deserved the best. Avery withdrew her hand, breathing out a sigh and curling into him once more, her hands resting lighting on his chest and her head ducked neatly under his chin. With the calm sound of his breathing beside her, the steady thrum of his pulse in her ear, she slid into a dreamless sleep.

When Avery awoke next, the sun was streaming through her window, glaring into her eyes when she allowed them to open just a crack. She sighed, closing her eyes again and curling closer to the warm body holding her, before her eyes flew wide open. The night rushed back to her, and she leaned back to gaze into Gabriel’s still peaceful face. His eyes were still closed, beautifully long eyelashes brushing his cheeks, eyes moving behind the lids as he dreamed. A soft and impossibly tender smile turned her rosy lips upwards. He was so beautiful it made her heart hurt. She didn’t know how long she stared at him, as a matter of fact, it seemed as though she lost track of time completely. After some time, though, his eye lids finally fluttered open, and those glorious chocolate orbs met her own, causing her smile to widen slightly. She reached out to touch his face with her fingers gently, tips skimming down the length of his jaw. ”Good morning.” She said, her voice soft, and tinged with strong affection. ”How are you feeling?” She asked him gently, concern touching her features. She hoped he was feeling better after all he had suffered through last night.

When he responded, she let out her breath and continued that slow, adoring gaze into his features, searching them in a way similar to that of a painter studying its subject, aching to get every feature just so. His voice, sounding strangely like music in her ears, told her thank you, and she shook her head. He shouldn’t be thanking her when it was all she wanted to do in the first place, ”I would do it again in a heartbeat.” She told him gently, the hand that was previously touching his face so gently reaching out to rest in his soft, coffee colored curls. He gave her another thank you, and she sighed, a smile lighting her features as she leaned forward. Her face was mere centimeters away from his as she gazed into his eyes, ”Shhh…” She told him in a low voice, before closing the distance and pressing her lips to his softly. The kiss was gentle and filled with care and tinged with the emotions flowing through her. Her lips moved with his gently, before she finally pulled back, her lips barely turned upwards, but the warmth in her eyes unmistakable. This was a good morning.


status: done.
clothes: here.
notes: idk why this is a monster.
muzak: lover dearest, marianas trench

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[gabriel levi de luca]

Gabriel admired Avery from afar, probably more than she even realized. She had the tenacity to dream, the courage to believe that she would be able to do something with her life. He had once been like her, filled to the brim with aspirations to do everything he could possible do; he wanted to travel the world, see everything, and make beautiful music. All his life, the only thing he’d ever wanted to do was play the kind of music that made people see vivid pictures, the kind of music that no one would ever forget because it made them feel something. Gabe had never been clumsy with instruments, easily picking up piano and guitar and drums as if he had been born to play them. His father encouraged his talent, but it all came to an abrupt halt when both of his parents had died. At a loss for what to do Gabriel went to a music shop with a heavy heart and sold their beautiful Baldwin grand piano, as well as all the guitars that he’d received for gifts, and his prized drum set. A part of him had been sold that day too, the part of him that had been the most light and passionate. Now he was left with the heavy feeling that gravity was pulling him down, further and further, until he could barely will his legs to stand up straight and his back was bent from the pressure. He wanted to dream again, he wanted to be able to look into the future with the reckless abandon that had long-since left his eyes. Helping other people had once been something he was very good at, as selfless as he was, but since his journey had taken up a dark turn, it was all he could do to help himself. He couldn’t even think of other people, when he could barely keep his head above the current.

Not only did she take care of her family, the Ford family was well known in the community for taking everyone in, for providing shelter to those who had none. He owed them just as much as everyone else did, and he would never forget all they’d done for him. Even now, sheltering him under their roof, he could feel their love and protection over him, especially when he needed it the most. Gabriel couldn’t begin to understand how big Avery’s heart was; she gave away so much love, and she still had so much left in her. He could only hope that one day he would be able to have as much compassion for life as she did. She was truly one of a kind, but she didn’t even realize how perfect she was. He’d never met such a beautiful young woman, striking in every way, and she didn’t try to glow the way she did; she just shone, and he was happy just to stand and be warmed by her light. Her parents were two of the most giving and generous people he’d ever met, and they seemed to have no limits to what they could do for other people. Gabe was in awe of the entire family, and he felt blessed that they were somehow involved in the rubble of his life. He wasn’t counting on them to ‘fix’ him, but they could at least provide some encouragement while he built himself back up, brick by brick. He had forgotten what it was like, to feel like he was safe and taken care of, but the feeling was one that he would cherish for as long as it lasted. In his mind, he didn’t think that they would want him there for very much longer; he was a burden, and Gabe didn’t think that anyone would want him because of who he was, what he’d done. Would he ever stop thinking of himself so lowly? It wasn’t likely. He’d endured so much in his eighteen years of life that it was all he could do to keep one foot in front of another and keep walking, let alone consider himself an upstanding moral citizen. As far as he was concerned, he would always be flawed in more ways than one.

Honestly, Gabriel de Luca could not fathom what it was about him that made Avery stay. She’d been by his side for so long that it was hard for him to imagine life without her, even he thought it would be better for her to stay away. Whatever she saw, it was lacking in his view of himself. He couldn’t let her love him, not the way that he loved her. He was too scared, as he was scared of everything that life had to offer him. So far, the amount of heartbreak that he had endured was enough to make him hesitate into anything else. He knew he was missing out, living his life perpetually scared of the next bend in the path, but what else could he do? He couldn’t process the thick intensity of what he felt for Avery, he only knew that it ran strong through his veins, pumped steady in every beat of his heart. He loved her, as much as any other man had ever loved another woman. It invaded all of his senses, so that she was the first thought on his mind when he woke up, and the last thing he wished for before he went to sleep. When he was with her, he almost felt as though he was being healed, by some process he didn’t understand. Her presence seemed to fill all the cracks in his spirit, making him feel whole in that time and place. Even here, kneeling on the floor with her as his body was ravaged by pain, he knew that he loved her. Nothing would ever change that for him. He was appalled that she was comforting him despite the fact that she knew his terrible past, but he could ponder that another time. Right now, it was all he could do to keep himself from falling into tiny little pieces. A man on fire – that was exactly what he was, and he felt sorry that she had to stay and see the flames consume him. It was as though she could feel every bit of agony that twisted his features, but she was still absorbing the pain for him.

His breath caught in his throat for the longest moment, but he welcomed the feeling. He couldn’t breathe, because Avery had stole all the wind from his tired lungs. There was something new in his eyes when he looked at her; he really looked at her, as if by just that motion he was finding strength and renewal. Gabriel tightened his jaw to keep it from clattering too loudly, still shaking like a leaf in the wind and praying against all odds that she wouldn’t make him leave. Another night alone in the dark, crying silently into his pillow, was more than he could take. When she spoke her consent, Gabriel felt a wave of relief, but he couldn’t move his numb and cold lips to say thank you. He simply allowed her to pick him up, doing his best to support himself, and then settled into her bed; she pulled the covers over them, and he felt a deep-sitting peace thrumming in his chest. It wasn’t long before her body filled the gap beside him, and he felt her arms encircle him and keep him near. Her head rested in the crook of his neck, and it was then that Gabriel realized that she was everything he would ever need. There would never be another for him, after Avery. It seemed like an eternity, but finally the chills left him and he slumped completely into her, worn out by the latest battle he’d just fought. In sleep, Gabe returned to the handsome young man who believed there was still good in the world; the deep quirk of his brow was smoothed, his lips relieved from their downward pull and the sadness in his eyes hidden. He had no idea how long Avery had just watched him, but his slumber was deep and uninterrupted. He woke up before her in the morning, a sweet taste in his mouth, different than the bitter acidity that usually greeted him when he rose. Things were different now, he remarked to himself, as the first strong rays of sunlight filtered in through the window and touched Avery’s face. She was so beautiful, and he knew that he’d found his own angel right there, laying next to him. If anyone had a halo, it was her. Gabriel imagined that he could even see it, and it caused him to smile ever so slightly as he leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. It was then that he felt her gentle touch on his jaw, and he realized that his arms were securely around her as if he were afraid to ever let her go. “Good morning,” he replied evenly, his chocolate eyes warm. “I’m… fine,” came his answer, after he could move his tongue to make the words. Gabriel had never been so exhausted in his entire life, but he was fine.

It was almost as though he could feel tears pricking in the back of his eyes just by the way she was looking at him. The way she saw him, he was something to be cherished and admired. Gabriel felt himself changing for her, and he knew what he was becoming; she was turning him into somebody loved. Before he could help himself, more thank you’s spilled from his mouth, because he couldn’t help it. She’d just done so much, and she would never be able to understand the magnitude of his gratefulness toward her. Words couldn’t even convey it. He was gong to add more, but Gabriel fell silent at her quiet shhh and complied, feeling her lips against his once more. His heart sung loudly as he kissed her back, as carefully as he’d ever done, and then with the first half-grin in a while he pulled the covers over their head and kissed her until he felt dizzy. They wouldn’t be going anywhere for a while, and for once he didn’t mind at all.







TAGGED:

[/color] avery hope ford. WORDS:[/color] one thousand, seven-hundred and twenty-four. STATUS:[/color] THIS THREAD IS FIN. NOTES:[/color] loveeeee. OUTFIT:[/color] i'll just hide it. CREDITS:[/color] coding and all graphics to me, lyrics to marianas trench <3[/center][/size][/font][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]